I know that this blog is prone to lean to the more poetic side of my life. Elegant musings on springtime, reflections on holidays, or just the delicate moments of my own life which I chose to make important for whatever reason.
But not this time.
This time I need to be raw. Real.
Because, to be honest, I've never realized ANYTHING like this before.
It's scary...but here goes.
I have an issue with letting myself be forgiven.
In fact, I think that I believe that I am entire unworthy of forgiveness.
That my past mistakes -- and even those I have yet to make -- have set me in a place where I past the point of being forgiven by anyone.
Not by those I love.
Not by myself.
Not even by God.
And then, I spent a nearly sleepless night, curled up with tears pouring down my face. Every time I closed my eyes, it was like a horrific home movie playing back behind my eyelids...replaying every awful moment, every moment of shame, every whisper of guilt.
But suddenly, someone switched off the projector.
There was nothing left but darkness. And the voice of Jesus Christ.
"I forgive you. You are forgiven. Your shame is gone. You have to let go. You have to let yourself be forgiven."
And so I let one finger slide off the edge.
I'm slowly letting go.
I'm accepting forgiveness.
From the ones who love me more than anything.
From the ones who could have given up on me...but didn't.
From the ones who would die for me.
And from the One who already did.