bedtime stories :: peace

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some can look back to little girl moments and think of stories read. they can remembering hearing whispered once upon a time from parental lips and smiling with fairytale princess pride.

but me, i look back at one story that was told me over and over. because it was my favourite. and it was not the one with glass slippers or spell-breaking kisses or even tumbling rose petals. it was the one where the little girls died, and their daddy wrote a song.

i can still hear my daddy's voice in my head, even now, as he told the tale at bedtime. the storm that rocked the vessel that sent three little girls to the bottom of the ocean, a wife's broken telegram of three words that screamed of a whispered broken heart.

:: safe but alone ::


and a broken father who boarded a ship to the place where his daughters passed the veil and entered their Father's arms. and the words that melted together with the tears that splashed into the salty tomb that bore his children.

when peace like a river attendth my way

when sorrows like sea billows roll

whatever my lot, Thou has taught me say

it is well.

it is well 

with my soul

this was my bedtime tale. and i never felt safer when told this story of the little girls' drowning and their father who found peace in the storm. because when Daddy kissed my forehead and turned out the light and i snuggled beneath my bright blue tye-dyed duvet, i would smile.

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because Jesus loved little girls, and He loved their daddy too. and i was a little girl, and i had a daddy. and if something happened to me, i would be with Jesus. and if something happened to my daddy, i would be okay, too.

and now i'm all grown up, with a patchwork quilt and a dark blue and gold duvet of my own. and sometimes when the night feels darker than it ever has, and the world seems empty and so much like a billowing storm, i go to the window and look out into the frozen night.

and my lips form the words that my daddy taught me.

when peace like a river

and when the notes are formed in church, the tears drip down. because it's still my favourite hymn. i still feel safe when the melody fills my ears and i mentally take my daddy's hand and squeeze it the way he used to do, and still does when we are together.

because i'm a woman now, not a little girl. but i still love my daddy. and so does Jesus.

and i need to call my daddy and thank him for teaching me this song. because my eyes are full of unshed tears as i write this.

because this is not a fairytale with happy ever after. 

this is truth with eternity like a cloak for my shoulders. 

this is peace like a river.

burning :: sacred

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i'm finding that i'm touching the burning bush more and more.

it's a fine line between the sacred and the ordinary, and it's something i'm daily learning to understand. it confused me at first. the closer to the fire i grew, the more intricate the flames became.   

did i never see Him before, in the ink and the dishes and the silverware? did i just see colour as a visual and not as intricately spiritual? 

perspective can change a life. the ability to step back from a scene and look at the dirt and only see a footprint in the dust where nothing showed before. when you see eyes like transparent glass and tumbled messes as something beautiful to be savoured like art

doesn't that change you? 

someone wrote me and said that they didn't understand. where did i get this pair of eyes that sees something where there is really nothing? am i just digging too deep or trying too hard? 

is there really sacredness in laundry or freshly-laid eggs? or am i painting a portrait where there's really only a blank canvas? 

:: but that's the thing about God ::

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there is no line between sacred and ordinary. isn't that what we celebrate with white lights and candles and whispered stanzas of oh, holy night? 

Heaven became Earth and sacred became touchable. I AM became little boy smiles and tangled brown curls over deep brown eyes and a Israeli childhood with prayers for Messiah's coming. 

this Word become flesh and blood and bone and tears and smiles. this doorway smeared with blood on top and sides opened wide to the sacred and the ordinary melded together. 

this burning bush of glory, of barefoot rejoicing and gentle choruses to welcome Emmanuel. 

fall on your knees

oh night divine.