wanting need

{via pinterest}

i want a lot of things.

things that might make my life better.

things that might simply take up another spot on a shelf and never be used, though i will say

i have that. 

some things are bigger though. some are wants that drive us to our knees, blurring the line between want and need. 

sometimes

 it isn't about material things that we want.  

sometimes, wants are soul aches that strum a chord of longing that only we can hear...us, and those who long, too. 

we all want. 

my wants are vast. i have my Christmas lists and grocery lists and reading lists and all those things i want. 

{via pinterest}

and then i have the list that only He and i share, the one where He must hold me as i read, as i shake with sobs in wanting. 

i'm learning to want Him first. 

to want His will when it hurts, to want His timing when it takes so long.

i'm learning to be still, and know, and wait for strength renewed and heartcries fulfilled. 

i'm learning these words:

yes, Lord. 

i will wait. 

i'm learning to ask for the right things. for His will. for His place. 

taking Him at value. that His promises are sure

and His grace is sufficient. 

of all my wants, He is my need. 

 Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love.

Where there is injury, pardon.

Where there is doubt, faith.

Where there is despair, hope.

Where there is darkness, light.

Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,

grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;

to be understood, as to understand;

to be loved, as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive.

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

— St Francis of Assisi 

covered

{via pinterest}

what we speak and what we do can often be so very different.


how often have you heard a plea, a heart crying out for something that seems so distant, and murmured 

i'll pray for you.

and then life comes and sweeps this way and that, and takes your mind to other places. and your promised prayer is long forgotten. 

have you experienced this gift though? this one where a tender sister grips your hand tight in hers and begins the whispered words

let me pray for you.

this touch of love that far surpasses. the touch of God of Earth. He intercedes still for me. my King still kneels to His Father and prays for me.


on Thursday, Sarah {Emerging Mummy} a dear cyber-sister who has never beheld my face or drawn me for a comforting embrace, prayed over me. 


precious words from St. Teresa of Avila, for my heart and for all those who have pressed "follow" at her corner of the world. 

{via pinterest

i am humbled by this gift of supplication.

this knowing that i am loved by one whom i have never seen and never shared even a mug of steaming coffee with in this lifetime.  

these precious moments are not just in the comfort of our living rooms. 


we share this friendship -- this sisterhood -- from afar, with those who hold our hearts whom we have never met. 


this knowing that, one day, we shall kneel in praise together in the realms of Heaven. holding hands in love, as sisters, over the coffee and cinnamon buns that i know must be waiting for us there. 


no more lip-service from me now.


you are covered in prayers, dearhearts. from me, and from Him.

as my sweet sister Sarah did two days ago, i do the same now for you.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May today there be peace within.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and 

allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.

It is there for each and every one of you.

~ St. Teresa of Avila

remember

five minute fridays. we write for five, and only five, minutes. no editing, no overthinking, no backtracking. . linking up with the gypsy mama.

the word

REMEMBER

now GO...

i saw this word last night. and i started to think what i should remember. 

because i remember a lot of things. not important things, like England king or the capital cities of every state in the Union. 

but i remember snapshots and mental videos of things that no one else does.

{photo by DramaticElegance
1997: haircut like Skandar Keynes}

family things, little quirks and things from the past. 

she does too. 

she was my companion in most, so we share this common memory.

you see, most of my memories involve two little girls. 

one with dark hair cut in a too-short bob because the little long-haired blonde one wanted to play beauty shoppe with Mummy's sissors. 

little red wagons and cats that lacked enthusiasm for being wrapped up like Baby Moses and being floated down the creek in a basket. 

lipsynching into hairbrushes in front of the video camera...it's on YouTube now, somehow. 

inside jokes that we still laugh about, because we remember, you see. 

on Tuesday night, we followed tradition. hanging lights and placing angels and snowmen in their traidtional places, like we do every first of the eleventh month. 

but this year, these two little girls are joined by two little boys. 

{photo by DramaticElegance
2009: my wedding, Bride and Maid-of-Honour}

these little girls have loves now. 

new memories now. 

these boys will both be here here for Christmas. 

one a husband who spends every waking minute with his woman...


...the other a solider home from war  for his first Christmas with her on this side of the webcam. 

we grew up somehow, these two little girls. 

but in the dark under the Christmas tree, we still tangle our fingers and curl like hedgehogs into a little bundle together. 

because we remember. 

warming to the words

{via pinterest}

this month is already so rich. it's only the third day.

it's November. it's that transition month, that time when autumn and winter are warring for equal time on the Earth and the world can't make up its mind.

when the leaves are fading and falling. no snow to hide the awkward, ugly sticks that poke up from the ground where trees used to be.

grey skies more than sun. it's as if even the world grieves in confusion.

what am i now? 

i write, sometimes collected and sometimes aimlessly, until i reach the end of the thirty days of frenzy, and then i sit back and stare at the masterpiece that i did not make, even though i tried so hard that i nearly broke. 

but this year is different already. 

it's only the third day of the month. and the skies are grey, as always. and the leaves are tumbling down, and the rain and ice are mid-battle outside my window.

but i'm warm here. 

i'm hearing this Voice clearer this month. i'm seeing hard decisions laid out at my feet made clear, made sound, made safe.

He's teaching me things

{via pinterest}

things like Trust. in others, in myself, in him and in Him both.

i'm learning to see words as a gift. not a frantic race to 50,000. this time to write, to pour out, is a gift that my King and November have joined together to give me as the most precious of presents.

i feel like a child, little hand clutching a pen while a larger Hand wraps around mine.

little one, see? write like this. 

I've got you, dearheart.

the  Lover of our souls has not forgotten us. the clouds hide the sun but not the Son. He sees us clear, unchanging.

i'm warm here in Him. 

i think i'll go write more words with Him now. watching my word count rise, and His mercies rise alongside.

we're a team, He and i. writing this book together, Father and daughter.

oh, what a place to be.

{linking with Laura at The Wellspring. this precious playdate with me and Him}

painted words

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to live as a painter.

would it be easier than this thing of creating images with words?

i would have colours then, bright and pale and every shade and hue with which to fill an empty space with brightness.

i would have strokes, broad or thin, richly pattered or intricately traced.

i would have something tangible to show the world.

a canvas that i can hold up, like a child holding up a finger-painting,

see? 

this is what my soul sees...

it's hard to paint with words when i want them to read my soul in just the way i meant it, without any misunderstanding. 

i want them to read my painted words, see them in the way i intended from the beginning. 

i wish i could write in paints, that my words would flow from keyboard to screen in a swirling watercolour rush of blues and greens. 

emotion for tone, passion for hues. 

a living paintbrush that could show the world my soul without confusion. 

but i live with words. i'm a writer.

it's day 2 of NaNoWriMo. seven thousand words swirl with life and fire and so much colour that it threatens to overflow and spatter the ground with life abundant. 

so i see i'm finding the center, this middle ground between paint and ink. i'm finding the way to make sparks fly from keyboard ticks. i'm learning to let the colours arc outward.

to paint my soul with words so others can look and see

see what my soul sees

in black and white

and technicolour. 

{linking today with dear emily and others for this moment of imperfection}

words {fifth giveaway}

THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED

for me, November is a month of words. 

my days become measured by word counts and how many cups of coffee i have sipped in an effort to churn just one more scrap of inspiration from my worn author's mind. 

Item No. 1

for so many of us, November is marked by 50,000 words and thirty days of writing the most mismatched, glorious novel that we could ever have envisioned. 

words are a powerful thing. they share. compel. delight. romance. intoxicate. create. i'm in love with the written word. are you?

in this theme of words and beautiful things, November's giveaway is a lovely collection of four stunning items from three generous shops and three wonderful women. 

i cannot truly convey my gratitude toward Blaine {Lori}, happydeliveries {Lori}, and coffeedripsart {Beka} for all they have done to make this giveaway such a beautiful thing, both for each one of you, but for me, as well. Item No. 2 Item No. 1: shabby chic rose locket from Blaine Item No. 2: Eiffel Tower earrings from  Blaine. Item No. 3: 11x17 pewter grey Hellen Keller quote print from happydeliveries Item No. 4: 11 x 11 hand-painted quote artwork from coffeedripsart {here is how to enter to win one of these beautiful items. please leave each entry as a SEPARATE comment, and please leave your blog address or email address in at least one of the comments.} Item No. 3 Life is either a daring adventure or nothing (IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are one of my lovely international readers...i.e. not from the United States...please comment as such in one of your entry comments. This giveaway is certainly open to you, as well, but one of these shops is not an international shipper. Many lovely thanks!) Entry No. 1 (mandatory): what is your favourite word and why? (+1) Entry No. 2 (mandatory): follow this blog and put the new and improved button on your sidebar. (+1) Entry No. 3: blog/tweet/Facebook about the giveaway, and leave a link to your post/tweet/blog post in the comment. (+3, one entry per and one comment per, please) Entry No. 4: visit Blaine and comment with your favourite item from the shop. (+1) Entry No. 5: visit happydeliveries and comment with your favourite item from the shop. (+1) Entry No. 6: follow Beka's blog, leave a comment on one of her posts, and then leave the link to the post in a comment. (+1) Item No. 4 The most important thing is life is to learn how to give out love and to let it come back in. Entry No. 7: purchase an item from one of the shops. {+10 entries per purchase; MUST BE VERIFIED before entries will be accepted} words are precious.  whether you're taking part in NaNoWriMo, or if you're just learning to walk this path of expressing oneself through the written word, never forget just how important words are. they can cut, they can heal  use with care.  never forget to love.  this giveaway closes at midnight CST on November 30th, 2011. winners will be drawn using Random.org and will be announced in the next two days. winners have 48 hours to accept their prizes, or new names will be drawn.

armour // nanowrimo

{via pinterest}

this morning started at 5am. or rather, i wanted it to begin at this early hour.

however, i found myself dozing off instead of beginning my writing adventures.

so i suppose this morning started at 7:30am. i opened my laptop and stared at the blank Microsoft WORD document. then i started to type.

the document is no longer blank. now it is the home for 3,128 words and counting. it's the home for my dreams now.

i'm learning how to turn words into life. i've done this before, you know, but not like this. i've written a 50,000 word novel before. i've done NaNoWriMo twice before. but i'm doing this my way now.

i'm wearing armour this time. 

word armour, i suppose. 

i would rather my critics be paintbrushes that breathe. but i know they'll be cannons instead.

but i have to learn to let their bullets clang against my armour. i know they might dent a bit, might break my heart just a bit.

but it's my work. 

they can't do this for me.

this is one of those things that is between me and the Author of life and a keyboard of twenty-six letters.

these are my dreams in black and white dots and dashes.

i'm turning them into a dreadlocked girl dressed in purple with magic in her eyes.

this is just the start.

{because of NaNoWriMo, i am not going to do an elaborate giveaway winner announcement post. i do hope you will all forgive me. the winners, in order of items 1-4 are Quinn, Jess, Cassie, and Kimberly. congratulations, lovely ladies! please email me with your information with 48 hours to claim your items!}