ink of wait.

(via Belinda @ Pintrest)

it's nothing really.

nothing worth mentioning

but i'm scared.

i feel like i've said this before.

i'm scared of all this newness that is me. i'm scared of this rebirth that is being thrust against me 

time and 

time and 

time and 

time 

again. 

you have so much talent. you're wasting it here. why don't you follow your friends to university? 

the three years worth of familial well-meaning words cut like the lies mixed with truth that they are...

because really i'm not wasting anything.

why don't i go? i'm not called.

but i have wasted nothing.

this is rebirth, i would say. and it's painful.

and oh, how afraid i am

that this might all be loss. all be shame. having to turn and face them all again saying 

i was wrong. He was wrong.

what solace to know that this will never happen.

He is not wrong. 

He is never wrong. 

if His voice speaks wait a while

then wait i must. 

this is writing. this is pouring out my soul like ink upon faded parchment pages. 

this is nothing i regret. 

this is not waste. 

this is wait.

Linking up with Emily at Imperfect Prose on Thursdays
This is my weekly song

Also, please don't forget to enter my August giveaway. (Ends on August 31st). 

Courageux

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.  ~Ambrose Redmoon

The question has been asked.

What would you do if you knew you could not fail?


It's a frightening question, really.

What would our lives be like if fear was pushed to the back burner, and if letting someone down by our actions was impossible?

How would we live?

What mountains would you attempt to climb? What rivers would you swim or what cliffs would you traverse?

It's hard for me to not look back over my past and cringe at my own short comings...at those times that fear kept me from leaping ahead and taking things as they came, instead of running toward my nearest corner to hide from my own potential.

I think I'm going to make mid-year resolutions. I know I'm late to the game, but I'm going to start over.

I'm going to attack my life head-on. I am going to let go of my fears, and I am going to start trusting my God to supply my needs and carry my hurts.

I am going to leap into achieving my bucket list...those dreams that might seem just too big to reach.

I am going to continue to count my blessings, day by day.

I will speak the truth even if my voice quivers.

I am going to be real.

I am going to live as though I cannot fail.

And in Him, this is my reality.

Carpe diem. Carpe vitam. 

Seize the day. Seize life. 

Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.  ~Mary Anne Radmacher

Soundtrack

Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent. ~Victor Hugo

I breathe music.

It's been something that I've lived on since I was a tiny girl.

With a professionally-trained musician father and a mother with the singing voice of an angel, I was steeped in musical notes and treble clefs from the time I could walk.

I credit my parents with teaching me the value of putting my life to a soundtrack.

Every great movie has a soundtrack -- a score of music, a compilation of songs, a haunting melody. These notes speak more to the drama, strength, passion, and bloodlust of each pivotal moment than any detailed explanation ever could.

My life is no exception.

Maybe this is exposing more of my own quirks than I actually want to, but even still...

My life has a soundtrack.

My mood and my iPod run on very similar veins.

The rich, earthy tones of Imogene Heap and Joshua Radin speak to the mellowness...the twinges of romantic darkness that cling to the edges of my heart.

The light daisy-petal notes of Mika, Lenka, or Yiruma speak to the brightness and melodic tone of my spirit.

The powerpunch of Skillet, Anberlin, HIM, or Plumb generally refer to a bit of leftover angst lingering after a particularly strong moment of dark emotion.

The bouncy snap of some popular Top40 hit or the swish of a Michael Buble melody generally speaks to my growing need to move my body and dance like either a mad lunatic or a measured artist -- all mood-based.

The flooding rush of Brit Nicole, Brooke Fraser, Chris Tomlin, or Aaron Shust remind me for Whom I live...a musical way to remind me that I live for the One who broke my chains and set me free.

I could go on, but I think I've conveyed the idea.

Music runs through my veins like blood, scores cover my skin like invisible tattoos, and notes flood my head like flocks of brilliantly-hued butterflies over a dew-dusted meadow.

Music says what I can't. It screams when I have to be silent. It laughs for me when all I can do is cry, and it unveils those hidden corners of my soul that hurt too much to reveal.

So at the moments, when the echoes are screaming and the pain is flooding my lungs, threatening to drown me...

...I let the music breathe for me.

“'Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion! For behold, I am coming and I will dwell in your midst,'” says the LORD." ~Zechariah 2:10

Still

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anaïs Nin

Life is complicated.

There are so many things that play into every day life, even those things that we primarily take for granted.

...even when we don't notice, things are complex.

It takes more than just the passing of time -- the turning of moments into years -- for someone to mature.

It takes the rain. The heat. The storms. The pressure. The pruning. The pain.

These things are not always realities that are easy for us to grasp. We want things to fall into place without any work or discomfort. We just want everything to be perfect right away.

And so we push away the pain. We shy away from anything that could possibly be the slightest bit uncomfortable...that might be hard.

We shut down the growth.

We settle into a pool of stagnant water...unmoving and unchanging. It may seem still and serene for the moment, but it eventually grows foul and rank, filled with impurities that cannot be swept away.

The foulness is trapped...we are imprisoned by our own good intentions.

...except Him.

...we hit rock bottom.

Sometimes, even the little things like breathing are almost too much to handle.

So many times, it feels like the entire ground is just shaking...nothing is standing still...

Sometimes, all you can do is reach up and take His hand, trusting Him to not let go.

I promise you -- He never lets go.

The world is unsteady sometimes.

He never moves.

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands. When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands. ~Your Hands, JJ Heller