shared

sometimes i wish i had camera-eyes. recorder ears. 

that all i had to do was blink and freeze every perfect moment, to turn around and download and share with those i love

because there are things i crave to share. 

but the words fall too short. 

i bite my feeble tongue because it cannot do what i wish it could. 

i can't press the glory of these sights. these sounds. oh, i ache to express fully. 

sometimes i wonder why God made us unable to speak our visions. why can we not simply let our lips part and flood this world with all we've seen. why must some things remain silent?

i want to use my tongue to paint the scene. the way the moon glows and the stars sing just so. the richness of the heather and lilac against my cheek. the kiss of wind in that perfect hair-ruffling instant. 

these are moments that i cannot share. 

this is between me and God.

this is sharing intimacy unlike any other with the Lord of Heaven. 

i am not sharing these things with Him

because He is sharing them with me. 

a gift, a moment, a sight so perfect. nothing on this Earth, not a scrap of this beauty, can compare to this realization that this is from Him. 

and so this music in my ear

this sight before my eyes

this moment which i crave to sink into my skin and glow from my core

these are intimacies with the King of Kings. with my Daddy God. 

this is the preciousness of privacy. 

Overflow

Yet I will exult in the LORD, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord GOD is my strength. He has made my feet like hinds’ feet, and makes me walk on my high places. ~Habakkuk 3:18-19


At this moment, I am overwhelmed.


So many things have come at me at once...and I am simply lost in the glory and incredible love of my Savior.


The response to my giveaway within in the first eight hours of its posting caught me entirely off-guard. The way my family, friends, and followers have showered me with love and support is beyond anything I could have ever anticipated...


...and I cannot wait to see what the next month has in store.


My sister, who is currently overseas in Germany for the next three months, has made a true effort to stay connected with me...even though we have both been struggling in recent days with our relationship.


People in my life who have covered me in prayer...loved me and wanted me, despite my endless list of weaknesses and insecurities, and made an effort to keep me in their lives...their love is remarkable.


The reality of all of these incredible occurrences is enough to draw me to my knees and bring tears of joy pouring down my face.


This is more than I deserve.


I cannot even fathom it fully.


I am undone.


This entire process, however, has put something powerful in the forefront of my mind.


I no longer want to be happy.


Being happy comes and goes...emotions fade in and out like flower petals in a gale.


I want joy.


I want lasting peace and enduring love that stays at my side, regardless of what pain I endure....regardless of what is said to me, or thought of me...casting aside the happiness that only the world can bring.


I want to rejoice.


In light and in dark...in life and in death...in love and in heartbreak...


...I want to overflow in peace.


In joy.


In Him.


He has made me strong. He has FLOODED me with Himself in ways that my human mind flounders to understand.


And that is where I want to stay.


Overcome by joy.


The very nature of Joy makes nonsense of our common distinction between having and wanting. ~C.S. Lewis