prelude to the grateful

{via pinterest}

every single year, right around this time, i find myself overwhelmed in the crush.

it's this season of preparing and orchestrating and oh, so much family that seems to emerge from every corner of the woodwork. 

for those of us who stand under the banner of red, white, and blue, tomorrow is supposed to be the day we take a few minutes to soak in the gratitude of our lives. 

i need to freeze in place

because i have much. 

it's hard to not get lost in the 

if only i

if we only had

if we obtained

but my soul sings this year. this time last year, i was drowning in self, in circumstances which i would have done anything to avoid. 

but He knew that i needed pruning. i needed pain to find the glory again. 

{via pinterest}

and oh, how my blackened soul rebelled. i withheld my joy, letting it slowly wither from lack of gratitude's water upon the cracking soil of a wounded heart. 

but then He gripped my soul. 

stop this, child.

let go and let Me heal. 

let Me restore your joy.

and then i began to seek again. and i have been unable to stop my hunger, my burning fire for those things that make this heart sing of Him.

and so now i drop the dishtowel and turn my back to the stove for just a moment. and i find that moment on my knees in the corner with His Love Letter spread out before me on the floor. 

because of Him, i stand.

how can i keep from gripping His robe and letting my gratitude from pouring over His feet like some strange perfume. 

tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 

but so is today. 

{linking this imperfection with my dear emily}

Mirror/Reflection

Appearances are not held to be a clue to the truth.  But we seem to have no other.  ~Ivy Compton-Burnett

Reflections are tricky things. It honestly all depends on the medium we use.

If we chose to seek our reflection through the smooth surface of a body of water, we will find that we look more than different...

...distorted features, easily broken by a dropped pebble or the touch of a finger. 

What if we pursue a less easily disturbed method of vision, such as a polished piece of mirrored glass, or even a storefront windowpane?

...dirt and grime can thwart our purpose, and we may not even understand or enjoy what we see. 

For so many, reflections are our greatest enemy. 

In them, we do not see our greatness or our beauties. Instead, we bring emphasis to our multiple flaws and microscopically examine ourselves to yet another detriment to our self-esteem and self-worth.

I am not what the mirror says I am. 

Seeking our only reflection in any sort of clear surface is nothing if not dangerous...heart-breaking...discouraging.

We need to stop looking down into puddles to catch a glimpse of what we think we are...

...we need to gaze upward toward what He knows we are. 

Our reflections on this earth are dim and deceitful. 

It is in Him that we see ourselves in truth...

...beautiful, precious, beloved daughters and sons.

When the world sees me, they should see Him.

I want to stop looking into the dim mirrors of this mortal plane.

I want to become a clear, shining reflection of His glory.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. ~1 Corinthians 13:12

(Don't forget -- today is the last day to enter July's Inspired Monthly Giveaway! Giveaway closes at midnight CST.) 

Reflétant

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?  ~Winnie the Pooh

Tonight, I am taking the time to think.

I'm not sure what it is about tonight that is causing my mind to become lost in thought.

Perhaps it is the fact that the sky is finally calm...after almost three days of storm-churned clouds and pounding rain.

Or that I had my second dose of the final Harry Potter movie tonight, and was reminded yet again just how much my heart belongs in the stone corridors of Hogwarts.

Maybe it was the taste of the entire pack of strawberry Twizzlers I slowly nibbled through this evening until the wrapper was empty and the fruity taste of the only member of the licorice family that I enjoy lingered gently on my lips.

Might it have been the growing list of questions that have begun to collect on my blog...brimming with untouched inspiration, awaiting  my answers in the coming days?

Perhaps it was the way I spent my day...curled on the couch in the company of three other women whom I greatly admire, laughing and weeping and learning together amid plates of summer salads and fresh-cut fruit.

Whatever the cause, my mind is lost in itself tonight.

I'm not even sure what I'm thinking about, to be honest.

I'm simply overflowing with the beauty of life.

My thoughts dazzle me, as though the stars had melted with my dreams, calling me to waltz with them tonight.

There is much to be said for the beauty speaking...

...but there is much unsaid for the elegance of secret thoughts.

And then, when the Empress ran aground / And my eyes turned blue and green, / I heard a gorgeous sound, / And that's when it became a dream / When the sky fell in, / When the hurricanes came for me, / I could finally crash again, / And that's how I became the sea. ~Owl City, How I Became the Sea

Patronus

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.  ~Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone


It's here. 


It feels so foreign...like it's almost too impossible of an idea to actually be real. 


But it's here. 


Tomorrow afternoon, I will gather my beautiful and precious collection of jewelry...


...my long black skirt and my flowing black blouse...


...my carefully hand-crafted wand...


...and I will begin the preparations for my final Harry Potter premiere. 


I feel like I'm going to a celebration and a funeral, all at once. 


This world is more than paper and ink. It's flesh and blood.


J.K. Rowling did more than simply pen seven epic novels. She laid bricks and stone upon one another, and sealed them with mortar. She built towers, and invented lives. She composed another world.  


It seems strange that my children will never have this new anticipation...never fiddle with their ticket or anxiously await their Hogwarts acceptance letter. 


Of course, I will never let this magic die. 


This is not the end.


It is the end of an era, but the beginning of an age. 


Seven books. 


Eight movies. 


Fourteen years. 


Tomorrow night...

...at 12:15am...

...I will slip between the wall at Platform 9 3/4 and board the Hogwarts Express for the last time. 

I will cheer as Patronuses are conjured and battles are waged...I will watch Harry and those whom he has walked this road enter Gringots and burst out on the back of a dragon.

I will weep as friends slip from this life into the next...I will watch death upon death in the name of freedom. 

I will watch the darkness be broken, and the Boy Who Lived will live again. 

I will watch my youth come to an end. 

And at the very last moment, as the credit roll in tandem with the tears coursing their way down my cheeks... 

I will raise my hand to the sky, and cry at the top of my voice...

Mischief Managed.

Thank you, Harry. 

Thank you, Ron and Hermoine. 

Thank you, Dumbledore. 

Thank you, Order of the Pheonix. 

Thank you Leigh from PrettyLittleCharmsUK for feeding my Harry Potter jewelry obsession with the most stunning pieces in the known universe, both magical and Muggle. 

Thank you, Luna and Ginny and Neville and Fred and George and Sirius.

Thank you, J.K. Rowling. 

Thank you for 14 years of magic. 

Thank you for my childhood. 

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. ~Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban