do not dare not to dare //

{photo by dramaticelegance}

i feel like the world has been chasing me with this thrashing. honestly, i think it's really comical that this thing that i have been hiding from for so long is now pursuing me, or at least putting itself in my path. i turn twenty-three in little less than a week, and i am just discovering. someone told me that it's because i'm aware of it, in tune with myself now.

but i don't think that's entirely the reason. i think that my eyes are finally open enough that the calling, the pulling, has finally allowed itself to crawl out from the cave and whisper i'm here. i've always been here. can you see me? 

part of me really wants to write about this. i feel like i've been waiting for my entire life to feel this strange warring freedom. but then comes that fear, the familiar flavour that weighs my soul down. it almost makes me want to let go and let the current pull me the safe way, the way that doesn't make my arms ache.


i wrote some time ago about taking off the veil and looking darkness in the eyes. i don't mean evil darkness :: the Lion already holds the key. i mean the strange unknown, the part that lingers in the  shadow when i've been too scared to pull back the curtains and let the light trace over my skin.

i'm not ashamed. i am afraid. but i am pressing my forehead against the stone wall while i seek solace from the din.

sometimes being on the ground // means a new season is coming

{photo by dramaticelegance}

it's autumn. there's a lot of death associated with the falling leaves and fading grass. but there's something resurrecting about this season. it's been hot, pressing, almost suffocating, with air so thick that i almost wanted to push it off myself like a constricting garment. 

and then comes the whispering cool air, taking my hair and floating it across my face. it's like some ethereal veil reminding me, you are seen, if only by He that holds the Wind

and He is not threatened by your questions. 

it's a digging in. it's painful. it's reaching deep into yourself with gently curling fingers and digging into the dirt. and it makes me shudder and gasp. it's gorgeous. 

sometimes He digs in His claws and flays me wide. but that's not what He's doing right now. my soul is whispering, echoing soft Lion-growl :: do not dare not to dare. (lewis) i am humming His name like it's the last melody i know. i am reaching up.

{to learn more about Mandy's book, visit messy canvas. to read all the posts in my personal thrashing journey, visit here}

autumn's blur {142-151}

{via pinterest}

this week has been one of those confusing bits of time.

those times when all the days run together and it's hard to decipher where you even fall in the stretch of Sunday to Saturday. these are the times when things can seem very blurry, dizzying in their confusion. it's not that things have been awful or easily forgettable.

it's just been a blur.

 i think i'm still in a place of rest, of recovery, from my crazy beach wedding adventure. it's been a week now since my plane touched down on the tarmac and i left the Southern warmth. i returned to find that the Midwestern world kept turning without me, and fall came in a blink.

it's refreshing to inhale the cold. it's something about being home. about wool and peppermint hot chocolate.

about my lists continuing to grow, leaps and bounds of blessings that swell over me like a rush of autumn leaves.

• 142. His love. forever and always, no matter what i do. i'm His daughter, the one for which He died. this never-changing glory. 

• 143. tears of life. of joy. there is something powerful in knowing that tears are not only for brokenness, but for when light overflows into sparkling drops down your face. 

• 144. the miracle that is my precious Granny. she is holding on...for just a bit longer...giving me a chance to see her in the coming days before she slips from earth to Home. 

• 145. peppermint hot chocolate and chicken pot pies in October. an early blessing and whisper of winter's promise

• 146. so much closeness of family. we're all here, all close. this corner of the world is ours to share. 

{via pinterest}

• 147. carving pumpkins with little voices and hands. sparking eyes and rounded lips as they see their own work glowing in candlelight. 

• 148. music. again, the mystery of notes and melody captivates me. 

• 149. seeing my novel start to come together. pinboards and blog posts, cementing my imagination together. only seven days left until i begin, and i am no longer afraid. 

• 150. giggles with my little sister. both adults but still refusing to grow up. 

• 151. fairy tales. Prince Charming and enchanted roses. knowing that there is an eventual happily ever after for those who belong to Him. 

another scrap of ecletic blessings to fill my Monday. these streaks of watercolour on a week that threatened to bleed together all over again. 

but i held out for the colours. the cold will not freeze my soul, will not dim my eyes. 

this fade is the start 

of so many blessings. 

{linking with Ann and my fellow blessing-chasers today}

seasons // time

{via pinterest}

this is a morning for musings.

a morning for acoustic guitars and indie lyrics that soothe the soul with a caress. 

i feel like i'm sinking more and more into Ecclesiastes

there is a time...a time...

what is this time? 

i know this is the time for new beginnings. the time where earth must die for newness to be born. 

autumn is the fade. winter is the rest. 

unless a seed falls into the ground and dies, it cannot bear much fruit.

i think we forget that. we focus on the brightness and rejoice. but when the fade comes, prelude to the rest, we groan. 

but there is beauty in the fade. beauty in the rest. 

the sun is not going away. it never leaves us. it just takes a moment to slip behind the clouds. the light does not go out, it merely changes for a time.

only for a time. 

do we forget this passing of time? winter is not forever. 

it is not a White Witch curse.  

{via pinterest}

it comes and goes. 

it has a time. 

this is why i cannot curse or begrudge any season. each one is a cloak of beauty for this earth in which we dwell, a sign of Love's fingers. 

He died for life. 

a step from Throne to earth. a Life given for life to be made new. there is a time for everything.

He did not stay below the earth. He rose. He returned. He lives still. 

this glorious conundrum that is my Jesus. 

this season is passing. 

this time of autumn is caressing, this time of winter is swift aproaching.

curse not. 

only love. 

there is a time for everything...

autumn breeze {fourth giveaway}

Item No. 1 another month has come and gone. i can hardly believe that September has now passed us by, and October is fresh upon us once again. summer has waved a sweet goodbye, and autumn is now heavily upon us. the leaves have changed from green to tones of red and gold and yellow. the air has kissed the heat of melting summer goodbye, and now the gentle brush of wind cools us.  our hearts turn to thoughts of apple orchards and shivery autumn bonfires. Item No. 2 and now, after such beautiful patience on all of your parts, i am so pleased to announce the start of October's inspired giveaway. the gifts this month are so very beautiful, and come from such hearts of love and inspiration.  three shops. fours stunning pieces.  i am so greatful to brightANDcloudy {Stef}, Cscharms {Cecilia}, and alanainlove {Alana} for their beautiful work and their generosity to this corner of the world.  Item No. 1: 9x12 print -- quote from The Help -- from alanainlove Item No. 2: tan and blue rosebud stud earrings from brightANDcloudy. Item No. 3: mum floral bobby pins {neon and kelly green} from brightANDcloudy Item No. 3 Item No. 4: silver acorn charm from Cscharms {here is how to enter to win one of these beautiful items. please leave each entry as a SEPARATE comment, and please leave your blog address or email address in at least one of the comments.} (IMPORTANT NOTE: If you are one of my lovely international readers...i.e. not from the United States...please comment as such in one of your entry comments. This giveaway is certainly open to you, as well, but one of these shops is not an international shipper. Many lovely thanks!) Entry No. 1 (mandatory): what is your favourite aspect of autumn and why? (+1) Entry No. 2 (mandatory): follow this blog and put the new and improved button on your sidebar. (+1) Entry No. 3: blog/tweet/Facebook about the giveaway, and leave a link to your post/tweet/blog post in the comment. (+3, one entry per and one comment per, please) Entry No. 4: visit Alanas shop and comment with your favourite item from her shop. (+1) Entry No. 5: visit Stef's shop and comment with your favourite item from her shop. (+1) Entry No. 6: visit Cecilia's website and comment with your favourite item from her shop. (+1) Item No. 4 Entry No. 7: purchase an item from any shop. {+10 entries per purchase; MUST BE VERIFIED before entries will be accepted} autumn is beautiful.  it may be my favourite season, this time of change and fading to rest. nothing more beautiful, nothing more refreshing.  welcome to fall, friends.  this giveaway closes at midnight CST on October 30th, 2011. winners will be drawn using Random.org and will be announced the following day. winners have 48 hours to accept their prizes, or new names will be drawn.

autumn

autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.  ~Albert Camus

it's autumn now.

for a day and a half, it's been autumn. and already, i'm in love.

i'm in love with cold toes and fluffy sweaters. crackling bonfires and the barest tinges of red and gold brushing their fingers over the emerald leaves.

yesterday was the first day of autumn. the first day of my 21st year. opening night of my show, photographs forthcoming.

it's so funny how one day can change the course of an entire train of life.

autumn makes me random. 

summer makes me full, but autumn scrambles my circuits

in the best of ways.

there is so much here to take in, so much restoration found in this fading of life.

autumn is effortless. it feels like summer takes so much work, so much strength to endure. yes, it is the time of vacations and topsy-turvy schedules. but it's work to stay out of the loop.

it's beautiful. 

i like this so much better. i like this feeling of sweet richness that the fall months bring. 

this kiss of apple cider, of pie and cinnamon, this bundling quilt and cute boots weather.

i can't stop falling in love

with fall.

septembre

Delicious autumn!  My very soul is wedded to it, and if I were a bird I would fly about the earth seeking the successive autumns.  ~George Eliot

i can't believe that it's about that time again

that time for me to blog in bed amid a pile of mounded quilts and goose-down pillows, to see a puff of fog in the air when i take that first rich inhale of morning breath.

i love these mornings. these autumn mornings that have turned from sweltering to shivering in a matter of two days.

and i could not be more entranced.

it's time for gorgeous existence.

it's mocha autumn. 

it's pumpkin spice and colours turning from green to golden reds.

it's oversized Perdue and Life Action hoodies, fluffy blue socks that never touch my feet save during these simple months.

it's curling up by bonfires with friends and sleeping bags and counting stars on our backs. it's remembering moments of rising sparks and cell phone messages from 2007 that i kept and listen to time and again.

it's Gilmore Girls. Grey's Anatomy. 


it's my final 17 days before my utmost maturity point must be reached.

it's apple cider 

and apple orchards 

and apple cider donuts

it's all things apple and spicy. 

i love autumn. it's finally here after taking so long. 

it's time for perfect mocha cocoa.

it's time for September.  

welcome back, autumn. i missed you.  

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.  ~Albert Camus

Août (August)

I walk without flinching through the burning cathedral of the summer.  My bank of wild grass is majestic and full of music.  It is a fire that solitude presses against my lips.  ~Violette Leduc

Tomorrow is the first day of August.

The last full month of summer, and the eight month of the year.

I have always looked at August as the prelude to autumn...the first notes of the golden orange and brown symphony that is close at hand.

I'm not sure what I think about all summer being so close to an end. I feel like I've barely scratched the surface of what I want to accomplish before the days grow short and the prologue to snow arrives.

The colour schemes of nature will change from the fresh summery greens and purples...fading into the rich and fragrant reds and gold tones of harvest.

I'm honestly not sure if I'm ready for the seasonal change.

Yes, I am going to eventually embrace the inevitability that the promises of God are eternal....autumn follows summer, an unbroken cycle until the end of days. And yes, I soak in the beauty of every season...I do not have a favourite, for each one has its own glories of inspiration.

But summer has not ended yet...I still have time.

Time to continue to work on my production of OZ!, which I do promise to write more about in the coming weeks....

...to have picnics of sandwiches and lemon drop fudge, to sip lemonade and eat ice cream cones by the riverfront...

...time to chase fireflies and count the endless stars in the clear country skies..,

...time to taste the freshness of sun-ripened fruit against my lips, and embrace the delicate flavour of every sort of berry imaginable.

August arrives tomorrow.

Fall will have to wait

just a bit longer.

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.  ~Albert Camus