thin places

spring brings me to the thin places. those places that the Celtic speak of in reverential whispers in the silence of the night when the stars are close enough to be touched and the moon has a face of love.

the place when the line between Heaven and earth is thinner than three feet, and everything seems wispy and sacredness seems to overwhelm.

these are the shoeless places, holy ground, where sandals fall from calloused feet and the grass slips between toes. that's a prayer, right there.

i feel like these places come out with the spring breezes and impending April showers. they bring me closer to the ground, all laid out with palms flat to the earth.

{via pinterest}

but it makes me feel fragile. as things get thinner, i feel that i get thinner too, easier to break. and that's a frightening reality sometimes, when things feel so close so shatter. but it's worth it when the world gets wispy and my fingers can slip between the veil.

what i need is the dandelion in the spring. the bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. 

the promise that life can go on, no matter how bad our losses. 

that it can be good again.

::  the hunger games :: suzanne collins ::

i'm learning to love these thin places. these little gaps between light and dark, and open and shut. i like this barefoot season of scared and holy. 

it's the glass of ice water, Life Water, beneath the spreading branches from a thousand trees. it's the whisper in the wind that sings of courage and strength and rest. 

it's the thin places. 

time's anticipation {sixth giveaway}

{item no. 1}

time is a clever thing. 

as this Christmas season slowly begins to creep upon us, the ticking of the clock heralds the anticipation. we are children, you and i both, to feel the shiver of delight as we see the illuminated trees and delicately wrapped presents.

and we are seekers, you and i, as we step from shadow to the glow of stable's lantern light. we kneel there with virgin mother and tender protector, the caress of a Father's eye upon His son's infant form. this humbling of King of life to wailing new life in the arms of this chosen woman.

this month, i am honoured to lay two very special items before you, given from the hearts of willing friends and generous sponsors.

i cannot fully speak out my gratitude to Shabby Apple and vintagerelics {Jen} for their gracious gifts this Christmas season, both to me and to you.

item no. 1: The White Rabbit's Timekeeper pocket watch necklace from Shabby Apple

item no. 2: white pearl earrings in sterling silver from vintagerelics

{here is how to enter to win one of these beautiful items. please leave each entry as a SEPARATE comment, and please leave your blog address or email address in at least one of the comments.}

(IMPORTANT NOTE: while i dearly love each one of my international readers, this giveaway is only open to the United States at the shipper's request.)

Entry No. 1 (mandatory): what is your favourite aspect of this time of year and why?  (+1)

Entry No. 2 (mandatory): follow this blog and put the new and improved button on your sidebar. (+1)

{item no. 2}

Entry No. 3 (mandatory): become a fan of Shabby Apple on Facebook. if you do not have Facebook, you can follow their blog and/or twitter. {+3, one entry per and one comment per, please}

Entry No. 4: blog/tweet/Facebook about the giveaway, and leave a link to your post/tweet/blog post in the comment. (+3, one entry per and one comment per, please)

Entry No. 5: visit Jen and comment with your favourite item from the shop. (+1)

Entry No. 6: purchase an item from Shabby Apple {+10 entries per purchase, MUST be verified}

Entry No. 7: purchase an item from vintagerelics {+10 entries per purchase, MUST be verified}

this time of year is one of my favourites. a time for renewal and restoration, the preparation for the coming of this newborn Messiah, and the precious completion of prophecies long foretold.

oh, come

oh, come

Emmanuel. 

this giveaway ends on January 3rd, 2012 at midnight. 

winners will be chosen via random.org and announced within the next day or two. 

winners have 48 hours to claim their prizes or new winners will be chosen

sdrawkcab // backwards

{via pinterest}

sometimes, i marvel at how the words of one can ring deep in the soul of another. 

it's one of those reasons that i find it a privilege to spend my Sunday mornings in my church. because we have people that resonate. 

but then i have to sit and question my motives. because i don't know if i take this gift with me when i step out those double doors. 

am i Martha when i should be Mary?

each morning when i wake up, i find myself making lists of things i need to do in the limited hours that i have this day. 

laundry and dishes and linens and groceries and menus. 

i have to separate myself from these things to find my quiet. and its only after every checkmark is in place that i take a moment to myself, that i share a moment with the King. 

it's backwards. 

i know i have my daily chores, my obligations and things that must be accomplished for my day to proceed onwards. 

{via pinterest}

but why is He not first? and why do i think that when i rise from my knees that i leave Him on the floor? 

this is why i am Mary, seeking Him in clothespins and laundry lines. 

finding conversations with my Lord amid the dishes and the passing crowds in grocery aisles. 

because eternity matters. 

ten years from now, my lists will be crumpled and tossed aside, and my chores of November and December will not be remembered. 

this sacredness, this seeking, will change my heart. transform my life.

i'm putting Him first. 

daily striving to leave Martha at the door, and live as Mary at His feet. 

time // gratitude {160-164}

{via pinterest}

i'm slowly reading A Thousand Gifts.  


i started it on September 10th. i only just finished the fifth chapter.

and i'm never wearing shoes again.

everything urgent about this life is starting to fade away into something manageable. people complain that life is too short and that time moves too fast.

i disagree now. life moves the same length, the same time. we're the ones moving too fast and being far too short in our sight. we've stopped savouring this sacredness of life, of eucharisteo.

the most urgent necessitates a slow and steady reverence.

--Ann Voskamp

she's right. 

He's right. 

this is holy ground, this place of thankfulness. this place of finding communion and eucharisteo with the King of Kings. have we forgotten who He is? 

time the essence of God. I AM. this need to consecrate time. 

i may never wear shoes again.

--Ann Voskamp

this is a place for shoeless wonder and for eyes that blink in awe against His glory. this is not the time for traffic jams and to-do lists that stretch for miles.

{via pinterest}

this is the time for slow sips, slow breaths, and slow-growing lists of all those gifts from Heaven to earth. 

• 160. time. this gift of seasons and time, preordained but loose and free 

• 161. community with artists who love to write like i do, sharing words and coffee over hardwood tables.

• 162. so many smiles from freckle-faced children as they bury me in hugs and bring me orchard-sliced apples with autumn-flecked grins. 

• 163. one extra hour of rest. something so small, but so needed for this weary one who seeks until the stars have been out for hours. 

• 164. truth spoken twice, confirmed. 

i'm finding peace in this place of gratitude.

reaching out to touch the hands of the clock, old friends learning to tick-tick-tick slowly. to savour each moment that comes our way.

to be covered with this essence of God.

shoes left at the door.

{continuing these steps of gratitude with Ann}

writing eucharisteo {152-159}

{via pinterest}

this is my last Monday of rest, in a way.

at least for the next month.

each day comes with its own level of responsibilities, its own little list that softly whispers take care of me, check me off. 


but as of tonight {or rather, tomorrow morning} at 12:00am, i will officially be launching into my third year of NaNoWriMo.

 this will mean i will floundering in word counts, coupled excessive amounts of tea and coffee to keep my tired, wrung-out brain from sputtering to a halt.

this is one more thing on my self-imposed to-do lists. and i bear the slightest fear of burning out.

but i know i won't.

because i have written eucharisteo on my wrist.

 i will weave this thing of gratitude, grace, and joy deep into my soul as i compose each word. i will not grow weary, nor give way to frustration or despair of completing my seemingly daunting goal.

and even in my chaos of daily life and 50,000 words, i will continue to count my ever-growing blessings, one at a time.

• 152. the support of family and the one i love as i embark upon this {perhaps a bit insane} mission

• 153. people in my heart who bear me up as Aaron to Moses, lifting my arms as i grow weary in doing good, never letting my passion drop. 

• 154. the voice of God, clear as knell in my soul. 

• 155. contentment in staying home when i would be rather have been at Relevant11. finding my place, my corner as i wait on Him. 

{via pinterest}

• 156. the cutting comments regarding my most recent post, and being featured on a site that rips apart Christian writings. Matthew 5:11-12 has never rung so deep and true in my soul. i cling to Him alone. 

• 157. trees decked only in orange and red leaves that line the block outside my window. the artist that paints my soul has not ceased her singing. 

• 158. my new affiliation with Shabby Apple. standing for beauty and modesty, and knowing that i am not compromising. this is a blessing beyond words. 

• 159. refreshment for my heart. freedom for my soul. this is Love, dear ones. 

and so i will be writing. i will be finding my moments with the King amid the black and white scratches upon the paper. i will be delving deep with Him this month. November will be beautiful. 

wallpapered from door to window with blessings. 

{linking with Ann today}

{the giveaway has been extended until November 1st to give me some time to balance myself out 

winners will be drawn after midnight and posted on the 2nd, along with November's giveaway}

seasons // time

{via pinterest}

this is a morning for musings.

a morning for acoustic guitars and indie lyrics that soothe the soul with a caress. 

i feel like i'm sinking more and more into Ecclesiastes

there is a time...a time...

what is this time? 

i know this is the time for new beginnings. the time where earth must die for newness to be born. 

autumn is the fade. winter is the rest. 

unless a seed falls into the ground and dies, it cannot bear much fruit.

i think we forget that. we focus on the brightness and rejoice. but when the fade comes, prelude to the rest, we groan. 

but there is beauty in the fade. beauty in the rest. 

the sun is not going away. it never leaves us. it just takes a moment to slip behind the clouds. the light does not go out, it merely changes for a time.

only for a time. 

do we forget this passing of time? winter is not forever. 

it is not a White Witch curse.  

{via pinterest}

it comes and goes. 

it has a time. 

this is why i cannot curse or begrudge any season. each one is a cloak of beauty for this earth in which we dwell, a sign of Love's fingers. 

He died for life. 

a step from Throne to earth. a Life given for life to be made new. there is a time for everything.

He did not stay below the earth. He rose. He returned. He lives still. 

this glorious conundrum that is my Jesus. 

this season is passing. 

this time of autumn is caressing, this time of winter is swift aproaching.

curse not. 

only love. 

there is a time for everything...

shatterglass

{via pinterest}

truth is not always a delicious thing in which to revel.

sometimes truth is harsh. not always in how it is presented, as truth can be laid out in a pattern of love that charms even the sharpest of opposition. but then there are still those who press fingers to ears and hum their childish la-la-la to block out any whisper that might make it past their tight-shut hearts.

and when He speaks and says,

tell My truth. speak this Word. 

and tender obedience follows this whispered command


and the hate comes, the tears can flow and the heart can break.

i pray that is allowed. for it is what i have done, and now i reel in this cold reality that truth is not always sweet to the ear or tender against the heart.

sometimes it cuts, and sometimes it is too much.

and so friends can flee. 

when i wrote this post {a emphatic yes and amen to this treasure by my beautiful friend Sarah}, i spoke what He told me to speak. i wrote His words, not mine. they flowed from my fingers and i pressed "publish" with a sense of trepidation and confidence in what i had just done.

i had obeyed.

and then the flood came.

i began to lose followers. first one, then two. then ten.

i began to receive comments some were rich, laden with power. hurtful ones. sharp-toned emails from women in my life and in this world of blogging. crying out curses on me for the language i used, for the tone i set, and for my lack of pious humility.

did i not want to be a mother? was my "calling" as a wife not enough for me? am i unwilling to stay in the "bounds of Scripture"? where was my silence? my humility? my prudent tact befitting a woman of God?

of course i do. 

of course it is. 

but wife and mother is not the end-all. it is not the end goal for all. some are called to singleness, others to wifehood. some are called to fullness of womb and home, others are handed this task of childlessness.

but that does not mean we are less than one another.

He chose the least of these. the lesser, the outcast.

we all still crave. 

i stand by my original words. and by my King.

i only speak what He speaks.

and this is truth amid the shatterglass. 

Cadeau (Gift) {33-40}

If you give what can be taken, you are not really giving.  Take what you are given, not what you want to be given.  Give what cannot be taken.  ~Idries Shah

It hardly seems possible that another week has come and gone.

I wonder if time is playing tricks on me...speeding up and slowing down however it wishes, if only to lure me into a false sense of security before pouncing upon me in some strange and unnoticed way.

Each week, as I take stock of the occurrences which now fill the path behind me, I am caught up in the awe and wonder that is my life...and that is my God.

My life is full of beauty. For all the heartache, struggles, and pain that I with which I war daily...there is so much light kissing the edges of the shadows, and making them seem so much less frightening.

• 33. Waiting by the mailbox patiently all week long, only to open the small copper door and finally find the most beautifully penned note for which I have been tirelessly waiting...as I have said, it is the small things.
• 34. An evening of fun with people whom I care deeply about...putting aside myself for just a few hours, donning a hand-stitched cape and dramatically swirled eye makeup, and joining the leagues of justice for a more-than-delightful Heroes and Villains murder mystery party. 
• 35. 11:11 and eyelash wishes. Perhaps a bit of foolishness...more than a gentle reminder to think and pray for you.
• 36. Raspberry lemon ice and oreo-M&M shakes with my daddy after a particularly frustrating rehearsal. Tucked in a blue and white booth, laughing over nothing and mutually missing my mother and sister...such comfort only my daddy can provide. 
• 37. Captain America, too much popcorn and Diet Pepsi, with a bag of M&Ms to share between us...I will never to get too old to share 3D glasses and date night with my daddy. 
• 38. Waking up to Owl City ringtones and the most perfect sunrise...even though I am still confused why my alarm was set to 5:30am. Even still, the glory of the heavens and the paint from the hands of my King made it all worth it in the end. 
• 39. The realization that I can't carry everything by myself...that I have a God who's big enough to carry me and everything else. And on mornings this like...I am clinging to this truth like I'm drowning. For me, and for those I love. 
• 40. Letting God crack the door to the poetic corners of my heart this week..feeling Him cut away at my silent, struggling voice. I am Moses...I cannot speak well. He is making me Deborah. 

I am trying to gaze at the bigger picture. I am letting go of my own mentality of "this is now, and this is all it will ever be."

My life is watercoloured clouds. 

First glance, it is simple, basic, and easily explained.

But now

I am tones of pink and gold and blue and silvery green.

These are my gifts...

...these watercolour clouds. 

See, I am doing a new thing. Now it is springing up; can you not perceive it?I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." ~Isaiah 43:19

Time-Turner

It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up.  ~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire


Time is a funny thing. 


It can move as slowly or as quickly as it wants, depending on your own hopes and wishes...


...and yet, it is so entirely reliable all at the same time. Things repeat themselves in the most calm and reassuring cycle. Dates and times moving forward and yet circling in a gradual loop. 


365 days in a year. 28-31 days in a month. 7 days in a week. 


But I will admit...sometimes, I wish I could make time move as I chose. 


I wish I could borrow Hermione's Time-Turner. 


I wish I could freeze moments in time...those moments that make you feel more alive than you've ever felt in your life...your skin afire and your breath tingling like electricity in your lungs. 


I wish I could speed up certain events...passing through the heartbreak of the current moments, silencing the inner struggles and casting away the Dementors in my own mind as easily as though I wielded the power of the Patronus. 


I wish I could rewind...go back to moments in my past and fix them...make different decisions and not act like such a foolish child, and maybe save myself some pain and heartache in the long run. 


But then I realize...what purpose would that serve?


What would I learn if I change my past?


What would it serve to me to feel nothing of pain or sorrow...what growth would I obtain?


And if certain moments were frozen and repeatable, what sort of precious would they be? Would they not fade into something trivial and empty, nothing to be rejoiced it at all? 


As much as I envy Hermoine her Time-Turner...


...I do think that I shall live in the present 


and savor my own moments 


as they occur. 


"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." ~Matthew 6:34

Timeline

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

It is now 2011.

Wow.

For me, this is almost impossible to believe. I feel as if I blinked and have passed from January to January without hardly a second thought.

Did last year leave me behind?

To be honest, however, 2010 was a year of a lot of changes for me...many of which were beyond fantastic.

I reconnected with an amazing old friend after almost two years of silence, and found myself in a brand-new friendship that picked up as if things had never left off and has radically changed my life.

God answered my prayer for a female best friend, and I have never been more blessed to have her in my life as a sister and warrior on this road together.

I celebrated a landmark -- one year of marriage to my incredible husband, which still continues to blow my mind and delight my soul.

I met amazing people who have loved me and changed me for the better.

I started this blog, which has been a dream of mine, and was a resolution for 2010 that I actually saw through to fruition.

The blessings that have been heaped upon me still blow my mind and draw me to my knees time and time again.

However, this year has also been one of the hardest of my life. I have cried more than I ever thought possible. I lost precious friends for one reason or another -- some because of serious issues, and others over trivialities that I wish I could take back. My heart has broken almost to the point of bleeding -- both for myself and for those I love.

I have made so many mistakes...I look back at certain points over the past year and I weep with the utter shame of it all. In all honesty, there were so many points when I just wanted to give up...to give in to my own insecurities and lack of strength and simply let the world slip through my fingers.

But it takes the bad with the good to give me a reason to step forward.

If this past year had been nothing but good things -- perfect blue skies without a single thunderstorm, how then would I have grown?

It takes fire to refine the dross away from silver; it takes lightning and thunder for crops to grow.

The hands of the clock keep ticking by.

Soon enough, 2012 will be upon us. But that is the future.

2009 is gone.

2010 is gone.

The past is over and buried under the blood of the One who looked from moment to moment and decided that I was worth His ultimate sacrifice.

And so, this year, I begin with only one resolution.

To grow.

To climb further up and further in.

To find my footing in Jesus Christ instead of myself...to allow myself to reach out and take His nail-scarred hand...

...to rise and rise again.

So here's to love and loss, to tears and joys, to passions and disappointments.

To growth and to journeys.

To becoming more like Him.

Here's to fresh starts and new beginnings.

Here's to 2011.