Saturday, November 16, 2013

the end of passe love

{photo via dramaticelegance}
i am a voice on the internet.

it is sacrilegious to say that i feel like being as blogger has given me a deeper understanding of John the Baptist? i can identify with the sand and the voice and the wildness, his voice echoing in a wilderness, bouncing off rocks and scrub brush in an effort to reach the ears of those who needed to hear :: the Kingdom is at hand. 

the final result of John's words were a sword that severed his head from his body. bloggers deal with words. it's a different kind of pain. 

i knew that when i wrote this post, and especially this one, that there would be backlash. it's to be expected when you put your heart on the expanse of the internet :: you're not always going to get a gold star. but there are things i didn't expect.

:: i didn't expect to be told that Jesus didn't want me anymore. 

it's culture shock to hear words like that, be it from a stranger's anonymous mouth or from lips that have smiled at you in friendship time and time again. it's hard to wrap your mind around, hard to appear strong when your mouth is opening and closing and your brain is spinning and the tears are coming without permission.

i grew up in a place where the words Jesus loves you was repeated almost without meaning, to the point that it became as parroted as a lunchtime prayer. it had purpose, of course, to comfort and assure and fix the broken hearts that surrounded us. it was almost part of the liturgy :: stand up, sit down, pass the plate, Jesus loves you.
{photo via dramaticelegance}

i wonder when we stopped believing the chant. when did the fact that we are loved become so passe?
when did it become easy to tell the ones that we disagree with that maybe it's good that they're running, that they're scared, that they are turning down torn and battered labels because He didn't really want them anyway. when did that happen?

it's killing me.

i'm not sure when love became synonymous with damnnation within the Church :: to be used with care, only in appropriate situations, but most often directed toward those who are headed toward a path that doesn't "look right."

maybe the path is a little bit darker because His wings are spreading a broader shadow.

i'm over the debates of whether heaven is meeting earth unforseen or sloppy wet. i would so much rather drown in the sea that whispers against the sand, oh, how He loves.

even me.
especially you.


  1. Dammit woman this is beautiful. These are holy words. It's a tough tension to know as a blogger than yes, you are putting your all out there for everyone to see but there is a fine line between disagreeing with the words of the post, or the post itself and throwing personal stoned at the person who poured their heart put hoping it would reach someone, or just to get the burning words out of their bones.
    I sometimes think that love is spoken like a bandaid. To make everything seem joyful, and clean and "in process" when really we aren't all there AND the bandaid has to be removed for the wound to heal.
    I think those that are breaking free from vicious cycles and stone throwers are able to see what true love, gospel love, Jesus love is.
    That's what I want. Not a bandaid.

  2. Dear Rachel
    My heart aches for you, dear one. I had a bad experience when a Christian friend told me (I suffer from Fm/ME) that I am not living a godly life as far as my health is concerned! If I was, I would have claimed my healing. Jesus told us that narrow is the way that leads to eternal life and few ever find it. So, dear one, just keep your eyes on Jesus. I think He can speak for Himself and I have learned to take all these kind of things with a pinch of salt.
    Blessings XX

  3. ugh. what post was this?
    the bad side of blogging is that there are those that hide behind a layer of anonymity and think they can say anything...and there are those that are out to hurt other...and there are def some masquerading as christians that know little of a fathers love...only a twisted doctrine of hate....i am sorry...know your source.

  4. I hate that you had this kind of experience. I understand. It's that kind of condemnation that has kept me silent, but it shouldn't. Don't let the ignorance scare you away. I read this quote from Momastery a few hours ago. I'm putting it here for you. I hope it touches you tonight,

    "The answer is YES. You should write. Even though everything's already been said beautifully. Even though there's nothing new under the sun. Even so. Because there may be nothing new to say, but if you haven't spoken up yet - then there is a new VOICE to hear. That's all we have - our voices. No two are the same. No one sees the world QUITE like you do, and no one else can tell us your story QUITE like you could. You are our only chance to know you. You're it. If you yearn to use your voice and you don't - we will all suffer for it. Be brave. Be audacious enough to consider that your story is worth telling and your voice is worth hearing. The secret it- it IS. Your story and your voice are worthy of occupying some space in this world. Take it, Sister. Take your space."

    Be at peace tonight, my friend :)

  5. Jesus always wants us. He never does not want us. It's His desire that we run to Him and belong to Him. Your voice is a powerful one, transparent and vulnerable, yet they bring such hope and healing.


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon