because in a moment when a stall door slams behind me and trembling fingers tug silver and paper away, life changes forever. when stomach is now cradle and fingers now press against soon-taut skin.
because he and me are becoming we.
and this is frightening, in the most beautiful way. i'm not me anymore. it's we, me and little one curled against my innermost parts as He weaves and crochets little eyes and fingers all together.
we are expecting a child.
:: our first ::
and i feel unworthy. this vessel filled, and maybe now i understand my own mother a bit more. because i love this child fiercely, and it still lingers with only six weeks of life beneath my skin and bone.
we don't know daughter or son, we don't know eye colour or richness of hair. but we know we love this tiny babe growing deeper and stronger.
and so i press discovering fingers to my abdomen where my little one grows and i whisper of the Lion's song to these developing ears.
mama loves you already, dearheart.
and so does daddy.
and so does Abba.
and i saw the light in my own father's eyes as we held hands today, a grandfather already to the unborn. and i heard the laughter in my mother's soul, a grandmother long awaited. and i heard my sister's gasp of disbelief and cry of joy as sissy turns mommy.
and i watched my husband's eyes light up with the strangest sparkle as he pressed lips to tummy and whispered sweet dreams, baby.
september comes fast. thirty-six weeks to go before a ring of fire and blood and life in infant cry.
and i now know why He wanted me brave. because i'm becoming warrior of a new sort.
:: mother ::