Tuesday, January 17, 2012

joy :: the Lion's song

{via pinterest}
someone told me you need to be happy always now. 
and i laughed.

because that's not possible, pregnant or not. understand me this, i am filled with such feelings of elation that i cannot fully put into words, writer or not.

but there's other things too. there's life that keeps happening outside my sheltered world of expecting motherhood. there's frustration and hurts that well up, and hormones that fight me to explode free from fingertips and lips.

this is complicated, this thing of morning sickness that turns to ravenous hunger and late night tossing with vivid dreams that are almost impossible to rationalize to reality. and then there are the tears that well over at insurance commercials and late-night episodes of Grey's Anatomy. 

and i cannot be happy always.
no one can.

but i find the joy in the quiet moments when i press earbuds to my stomach to teach this little one the best of music, or when i pour words from favoured pages into little forming ears. and there is courage in knowing that i will be okay, because i am not alone.

:: i never have been :: 

because even in this strange ship at sea, there is a gull on the masthead whispering courage, dearheart to my thudding heart. and there is a lilting song on the wind that i can barely hear, but i know it is coming. and i am teaching this Lion's song to my unborn.

not of happy, but of joy.
not of fearless, but of brave.

there's an expression i've heard: barefoot and pregnant. and that is me, overwhelmed in the sacred to the point of no shoes, curling safe at the base of the cross.


  1. "I am teaching this Lion's song to my unborn." I love that. Speak it. Sing it. Your unborn will hear.
    Yes, I remember. Crazy time, crazy hormones, emotions every which way. But happiness is not joy. Joy runs deeper, more beautiful. May God give you much joy, amid all your other emotions!

  2. again, i leave here with no words to add. i just gather yours and I feel your joy...

  3. In response to the email Jen sent out...AHHHHHHH! Very exciting.

    So, I never know what's ok to share in the comments section regarding praises and requests so we will just leave it at that.

    But in case you missed it the first time: AHHHHHH.

  4. Love how you redeem that phrase 'barefoot and pregnant.' Powerful.

  5. "I am teaching this lion's song to my unborn."


  6. a lot of really good truths here. no, no one can always be happy. not while we're on a fallen earth. but you're right, you're not alone, and neither am i. and even if "happiness" is lacking, we can curl up inside of that truth and turn our backs to the fears and hurts and other scary and upsetting things. love you, dear.


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon