Tuesday, June 26, 2012

real beauty // you are not fat

{via pinterest}
i have a formspring. you know, one of those places where people you know and people you don't can ask you any number of questions about any topic they wish.

and today there was a question sitting there in my inbox from that coward, anonymous. innocent words strung together to form something so much more painful.

so you've used pregnancy as an excuse to let yourself go, then?

and my blood ran cold. because in my mind's eye, i saw fifteen-year-old me crying in the dressing room because i felt so fat every time i tried on anything. and my sister could fit into clothes that i never could, because i was curvy. 

and then i saw another little girl.

a little girl whose face i couldn't see clearly, but that i knew better than my own all the same. and she sat there in the mall food court picking at the pile of lettuce with the dressing on the side that she called lunch and sipped at her water while she smelled the burgers and watched the other girls drinking their smoothies. 

i saw my daughter's face. 

and the blood turned to ice in my veins, and some strange mother-bear anger stirred in my stomach right next to the little rolling flutters that mark my daughter's current home. 

this anger was not for me. i'm growing stronger now. words, yes, they still hurt. but this anger was not for me. 

with hand on stomach and face curved toward the sky, my soul screamed

don't you dare call my beautiful little girl fat. 

don't teach my little one to count calories instead of the stars. because she has my genes, the curvy genes with rounder hips and fuller breasts. the ones that might not fit into the teenage carrot stick world into which she is being born. 

{via pinterest}

and maybe there will come a day when you come to me with big eyes and slender limbs and say words like carbs and calories...too soon, too young, too early.

and i will pray for grace and i will pray to not break down until i am behind a closed door where i can weep for this world where little girls starve themselves and big girls stare in mirrors and whisper i hate you. 

and this is the letter i will read to her even before she understands the world, in which i have promised to not call myself fat anymore, and i pray that she will see her mama living in truth and not on the scale. 

beauty is not size 2 defined. 

beauty is health, not break-ability. beauty is dressing on your salad and chocolate for desert. beauty is forgiving eyes and kind smiles and a soft heart, and chins lifted with so much peace and warrioress pride. 

because there is a Lion in Heaven that roars with rage when people talk bad about His daughters, and when people whisper lies into little girl ears that are too innocent to know better. there are millstones for people like that, and He has them in a line and waiting with rope for tying.

don't you dare call My little girl fat.

{linking with my dear emily}


  1. rachel...this is so, so, so beautiful. your little girl is so blessed to have such a mother as you. and I know she'll grow up to be just as lovely and beautiful as you are!

  2. How dare such people.

    You go, Mama-bear!

  3. That anonymous comment made me so. Stinkin. Mad. How DARE they. I am getting mad just thinking about it.

    I love this post so much and agree completely with you.

  4. my heart ached when i read this. i have two daughters, one is 21 and the other is just starting out in this world with these messages. at six she is now discovering the mean things people say to others. it's horrible. your daughter is very lucky to have a mother who thinks as you do. i'm so sorry this idiot of a human being acted in that manner and to have it spill onto such a gentle, loving heart.. is just wrong. *hugs* for you and your babe. xo

    1. your eldest and i are the same age. i pray your youngest one escapes what your oldest and i have had to face. words are cruel, but God is bigger.

  5. wow. just, wow. that just makes my blood boil. the nerve of some people... you're gorgeous, rachel, and your daughter is so lucky to have a mama like you :)

  6. yes.yes.yes. sweet one. roar!! we are roaring along side you - ugh. let peace and love grace our lips and form sweet and fierce around their growing face.

  7. LOVE this post!! True on so many levels.

  8. You are gonna be such an awesome Mama.

  9. Amen to this beautiful post! Rachel, you are so gorgeous--inside and out--and your daughter is as well. She is very blessed to have a mom like you. Keep on fighting with a heart full of love and the Lion by your side for your precious darling!

  10. Thank you so much for writing this... all of us girls need to hear this. THANK YOU!


  11. Thank you for this post, beautiful writer! You're a blessed light in the midst of our cultures dark and twisted messages to gals. This week has brought cruel words..but I just love what you said in a comment: "God.Is.Bigger." Thank you for your encouragement and letting God use all circumstances to glorify Him! I'm praying for you and your precious daughter!

  12. How could someone say that to you!? You're daughter is lucky to have such an awesome momma like you. Thank you for this post.

  13. Beauty comes in all sizes, packages and designs. I'm so glad you are fighting back the lies and protecting your little one as she blossoms into a beautiful young woman like yourself, Rachel. I will pray for you and her in this fight!

  14. powerfull...and true...and painful as well as there are many trapped in those perceptions of what beauty is...

  15. i can't believe someone wrote that to you. i would love to share this powerful post at my ED blog sometime, rachel... would you let me? if so, could you email it to me at wierenga.emily@gmail.com? love to you, beautiful.

  16. i don't know what a formspring is, but it sounds altogether awful! some people are cruel, but you are wise to cling fast to Truth and beauty, to say NO to lies and YES to Life and Love. xo

  17. I'm mad right along with you. Oh, it's so easy to let the world's standards tyrannize us, isn't it?

  18. Thank you so much for writing this. I have seen so many girls in my life struggle with eating disorders, and actually, one of my friends is going through one write now. We need to remember who we are in Christ!!

  19. It's so sad that someone would say that to you. Yet, it is even more amazing that God wants that person's heart, too - in a saul to Paul way where his persecuting spirit becomes a soul saving spirit. Little boys growing to men have their manliness persecuted all the time - a different battle but a mothers battle all the same, training these warriors to be who God created them to be. However, I do know that faith in God's promises for your daughter's life - He is true to them!

  20. This was beautiful. I'm 16 and honestly, I've battled with looking in the mirror and wishing someone different was looking back at me. Thanks for the reminder that the number staring back at me from my jeans isn't what defines who I am.


  21. Well done, mama-bear!

    If "Anonymous" has a daughter, I feel so sad for her. I would WAY RATHER have a chubby mama than a mean mama, and I know our daughters will feel the same.

  22. to be honest with you Rachel, I don't normally read your blog; but something told me to scroll down and look at this post. I'm close to tears, thinking of all the girls out there comparing themselves to the stick skinny model on TV who is more miserable than the curvy/full figure girl envying her. thank you for being a voice, love.


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon