to the men from a Jesus feminist

{photo by Jennifer}

dear men, 

I'm married to one of you. the tall blonde blue-eyed love of my life with the contagious laugh and the heart the size of Texas. 

my best friend is one of you. the supermodel military man with the lopsided smile and the passion for both clothes and cars. 

maybe, one day, I'll raise of you as a wide-eyed little boy with his papa's hair and that same quirky grin.

I'm surrounded by you on a regular basis, in close contact and in passing. the delivery man, the guy searching the top shelf at Walmart for the last package of cream cheese. 

I'm a feminist, in case you weren't already aware by the things I say and the words I share. 

but there's something I want to make sure that you know. 

I'm a Jesus feminist because I see you. 

isn't that so funny, how that word "feminist" somehow makes it sound like I hate your gender? like I want to take each of you and fling you into the boiling sea, laughing while you sink feebly, because I am a roaring woman and I don't need you. 

but that's the exact opposite. 

I know that you are more than the lower half of your body. I know that you have more self-control than you are given credit for these days. because I know you are the ruler of yourself, and you take responsibility for your own mind and your own actions. 

I know some of you are dogs, that some of you have broken hearts and spirits. but you aren't all like that. because we're all human, and some of us are cruel and some of us are kind. you're more than the ones that cause shame and regret. I can't see you all that way, because I hate when that happens to women. when that happens to me. 

your masculinity is not defined by ripping and rending and tearing. you don't have anything to prove. and if I've ever made you feel that way, I'm sorry. 

I know that some of you throw logs and some of you paint. I know some of you fix cars and some of you audit taxes. I know some of you dance and some of you write and some of you walk the beat with a gun on your hip. I know that you're all men. I know some of you are broken, that some of you have had the fight ripped out of you by a culture that throws your tears back in your face, that laughs

{photo by Jennifer}

at your troubles and tells you, 

suck it up. be a man. 

but I can't help but go back to the words of the God who saw you from before the dawn of time, the One who created you the same as He did me ::

He wouldn't offer to bottle your tears if He didn't expect you to shed them.

I know that you have worth. I know that some of you are feminists too. I know that you love, be it silently or loudly. some of you are bearers of privilege, the kind that makes the road easier for you than for me. but you know something else? 

that does not discount you from having a voice. 

being a feminist doesn't mean I hate you. it doesn't mean I want to overthrow you, destroy you, or render you obsolete. it means I love you, I respect you. 

hating you isn't true feminism. we want to see you succeed. you are our husbands, our brothers, our sons, our friends. 

we are feminists because we love you. we are feminists because we see you as more than an insatiable sexual creature ruled by your penis. we are feminists because we see you have been shaped by the same Hands that shaped us. 

because the way this works is that there doesn't have to be a choosing of sides, men or women. there can just be us. a united front. us and you, all together. we can just be.

promise.