barefooted :: painted one {191-199}

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there are times when i feel like my life is a painting. strokes on a canvas, some soft and some harsh. like standing back as i watch the artist compose the piece in front of my eyes, unable to see the final product until i touch the shoulder of the concentrating painter, and ask

show me what you see. 

this has been a brushstroke canvas week for me. i've felt peace and war, even at the same time, pressing me inside and outside. this has been a week full of laughter, oh, so much laughter until my eyes streamed and my sides ached for mirth. 

and then there were the moments where the floor and i were companions, fingers curled to my palms as tears coursed their way down my cheeks in unison with the silent sobs where no voice could give way to the

why // why // why?

this is why i love my God. because there was always joy. always eucharisteo found in the midst of the sobs. because of Him. this grace, this promise. 

• 191. His grace which is sufficient. His promises which are never returned void. 

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• 192. music. that kind that makes you leap and spin and toss your hair until you drown in melody

• 193. blackberry merlot and the company that comes alongside as you sip and laugh and confide and plan and grieve and exchange those knowing looks. 

• 194. raspberry tea and Adele beside the flickering Christmas tree

• 195. this expectation, this anticipation for this coming Salvation. 

• 196. counting down the days like an eager child. we're down to twenty now.

• 197. strawberry Nerds and a tow-headed lad of barely six years giggling, "you're a silly nerd, sister!"

• 198. these brothers and sisters, not by blood but by love.

• 199. the picture of freedom in a day-old baby girl, the symbol of freedom between two freed ones. even her name echos with life: ariadne grace {very holy one with grace}

i have much. i am flooded with His brushstrokes, from head to toe with the soul unforgotten. 

oh, my God holds me close. His arms are sanctuary, His blood is life. 

i cannot rise from this bare-footed hallowed ground. this burning bush of surrender and gratitude and sacred.

barefooted and paint-streaked at His feet. 

{linking with Ann, sharing my gifts as they grow}

barefooted

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i posted Monday about my brush with the sacred.

on how i can never again wear shoes because my time and life is now Holy Ground.

and then i began to contemplate this thing of being barefoot. this unlacing of our sandals and casting them aside.

it's humbling to be without shoes. 

we are not lifted higher than we ought to be when our feet are bare. it's casting aside this most basic of pretensions, this utmost lowering.

our shoes are covered in the dust of life, the dirt of the path and the bits of foulness that cling to our feet.

we do not always watch where we step, either on this earthly walkway or when we traverse within our soul as well.

we cannot bring this filth to Him.

my feet have never felt so unclean as they do in these times of sacred approach. these times when Heaven and Earth seem to meet and collide in this explosion of revelation. 

and i find myself on my knees then, overwhelmed in this place where Love and Life have met and forgiveness is my name again. 

as this bush burns in this wilderness, this place where I AM has come to meet with us, we bare our feet as we do our souls. 

we are no longer separated from the ground. skin against Earth, brushing soul against Life. 

and we step onto this place, barefooted and unsure, with paths of sharp stones and cutting thorns ahead of us.

and He holds out His hand

follow Me

our weakness cries out for us to be shod again, to put our shoes on and protect ourselves. 

but He requests us be humble

and He will carry us. 

As You Wish

"Death can not stop true love, it can only delay it for a little while" ~ The Princess Bride

I can quote a lot of lines from a lot of movies. It's just one of my many quirks. My memory seems to latch onto cinematic dialogue. I have no valid explanation.

However, there is one movie that I can quote in its entirety without hardly batting an eye.

The Princess Bride.

For those of you who haven't had the distinct privilege of viewing this 1987 cult classic film...GO WATCH IT. Because, I have to say, it is one of the most incredible movies ever released.

Oddly enough, as my husband pointed out to me tonight, it is the movie that best describes our marriage.

One scene in particular, actually.

The Dread Pirate Roberts has "rescued" Buttercup from the hands of her three unusual kidnappers, and they are on the run together. They stop for a brief rest on a mountaintop. Roberts is being rather gruff and brutal with her, mocking her and treating her sorrow over the death of her one true love, Westley, as something trivial

She finally becomes fed up with him and screams in his face,

"You mocked me once; never do it again. I died that day...and you can die too, for all I care."

With that, she shoves him off the cliff and watches him tumble head over heals down the mountainside. As he falls, Roberts manages to call three simple words back up to her.

"As...you...wish..."

Buttercup suddenly realizes that the man that she has just potentially murdered is not the frightening Dread Pirate Roberts. It is her soulmate, Westley, whom she had thought to be dead. Horrified, she throws herself down the mountain after him.

In so many ways, that is my response with Jon. He becomes gruff or sharp with me in a time of conflict, and I retaliate with a knee-jerk reaction of pushing him away from me...maybe not down a literal cliff, but most certainly in a way that disrespects him.

Suddenly, I realize that I have just injured the man whom I love the most in this world, and I throw myself down after him. I would rather be wounded myself than to live the rest of my days knowing that I had hurt him and had lost him forever.

This is the conundrum that is so prevalent with marriages all across the world. We hurt the ones we love, and then we self-destruct in a last-ditch effort to save the one we have just wounded so brutally. This unending cycle seems intent on destroying our relationships -- not just with our spouses, but also with our friends and family members.

It's at moments like this when I look into my husband's eyes, and I realize something so incredibly powerful.

Jon loves me. He would risk his own safety to protect me and keep me safe.

He would brave the Cliffs of Insanity.

...swim through "eel-infested waters."

...sword-fight with a Spaniard.

...engage in hand-to-hand combat with a man six times his own size.

..."go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

...brave the three terrors of the Fire Swamp (lightning sand, flame spurt, and even R.O.U.S's)...

...and finally, he would even undergo the most horrific of tortures and surrender his life

...all for me.

Because he loves me just that much.

So maybe, I need to lay down my pride, take his hand, and brave these terrors of life together. Because, as everyone knows...

"This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?"