restoration. {51-60}

It's back again.


Monday, that is...although this morning has been so beautiful and peaceful that I think that "Monday" may have decided to wait another day to appear, and that I have instead reawakened on Sunday.


There is something so beautifully peaceful about this morning. It's a reminder to me as to why I don't write these posts on Sunday nights and schedule them to post the next day.


True, one of those reasons is because I have yet to figure out the whole concept of successfully scheduling my posts. But the other is because of the powerful beauty in awakening to a morning of twittering birds and cool almost-autumnal breezes.

• 51. An almost perfect week of OZ! rehearsals. I may have just set a theatrical jinx upon myself, but these past three practices have flowed like a summertime stream, and we are actually currently ahead. Lord, let this endure.

• 52. The sweet pain of correction, and knowing that I have a dear one in my life with the courage to pull me aside and speak words of change into my heart. "You have to let go, or else you will be consumed...you are beautiful and undeniably precious...you are not an untouchable."

• 53. Food. A simple blessing, you may think. But to me, this is a gift worthy of mentioning. Food is becoming an art to me...the complex combination of flavour and presentation, tugging on all five senses with sensory fingers of delight. Is this bringing me back to the days when I wanted to make my life out of edibles and create culinary masterpieces for a profession. A dream rekindled, perhaps?

• 54. A young teenager who holds the door for me, sincerely and without parental pressure. Chivalry is not so dead as we once feared.

• 55. |An afternoon of laughter with my husband, my father, and my visiting grandmother whom I have not seen since last spring. Sharing stories of my father's childhood adventures over plates of stunning food...laughing until we couldn't stop with tears pouring down our faces. 

• 56. Our church. This place has touched the face of God. 18 months ago, we followed the call of God and took our seats in this place for the first time. May we never look back.

• 57. Curling into a pair of strong arms, feeling so secure and calmed by the touch of my dearest Love. Kisses on my forehead and nightly reminders that I am treasured, that I now walk this road as two instead of one, that I have a witness in this life. In case you wondered, I believe in soulmates. And I have truly found mine. 

• 58. Hearing my sister's voice, from Italy to America via technology. How I miss her and my mother both. One more week without them, and then...the most beautiful of homecomings. 

• 59. Wrestling with God, and being undone by His mercy. 

• 60. Finding myself again. This broken vessel has a use in His hand. I can be fixed. I am not forever destroyed.

These are my blessings. Some fleeting, to be sure. 

But most? How they will endure until the end of time and beyond.


The inspiration overwhelms me on mornings such as this one. The voice of my God is an echoing whisper in my soul, forever reminding and forever loving.

My cup runneth over. 


We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 17-18

Linking with Ann, as I have done every Monday since July.
However, I have just now found the graphic.
Nine days left to enter into my August giveaway. 

Step

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

My best friend got engaged on Tuesday.

I still have a hard time believing it...after all, it's something we've both been dreaming of for the past two years of our best friendship.

I guess the reality of the whole thing is just a little hard for me to grasp -- I can only imagine the thoughts racing through her head and heart at this moment!

There's something about the first step a couple takes together...something so incredibly intimate about the lowering to one knee, the stifled gasp as she presses her hands to her mouth, and the stammering of that single word that will change their lives forever.

An engagement is so much more than just a sparkling diamond ring and the giddy smiles of two people in love.

It's a vow of its own.

It's the voice of a young man as he gazes into the eyes of the girl of his dreams...the whispers of his frantically beating heart, saying:

"Baby, I'm not going anywhere. And in a short time, I will give up EVERYTHING and take you as my other half. My perfect fit. My missing puzzle piece. I want to love you as Christ loved His church, how my King loves His bride. So be with me forever."

The wedding is the woman giving of herself -- the passing from girl to woman, the taking of another name, the change from "Miss" to "Mrs."

But the engagement is the man's surrender.

The lowering of himself. The ultimate humility.

And so, I have words for two of the greatest blessings in my life:

Firstly to my beautiful Alex:

Babe, you are the most incredibly strong, beautiful and passionate young woman of God I have EVER had the honor of knowing.

You blow my mind every day with your drive and your willingness to do anything for the Kingdom of God. You are the most wonderful best friend I could have ever asked for, and you bless me more than I could ever begin to say.

Also, you are insane. You are my Heathcliff, my mad little gal-pal. You make me laugh. You listen. You have this amazing ability to laugh with me and then cry with me, all in the same conversation. You write songs with me, and you manage to keep my head on straight.

And I love you.

You truly are the Jane to my Lizzie; you better know this by now. I could not be more honored to have you as my best friend...and I look SO much forward to undertaking this journey with you. I love so much, dear one.

And to Zach:

I have been praying that God would bring someone like you into Alex's life ever since she and I met. She deserves an amazing man of God who loves her with everything that he is, and is willing to give his life for her, if the need arises. Someone who will treat her with tenderness and adoration, and still manage to bear with her complete and utter insanity.

And I believe more than anything that you are indeed that man. Thank you for bringing a smile to her face and love to her life again. Thank you for loving my best friend with such a pure and selfless love. You are indeed her Mr. Darcy. You have wooed and romanced her in ways that continue to blow my mind. Your selfless and strong care for her touches my heart daily. I love you, and I cannot wait to get to know you better and better in the many insanity-packed years to come.

God bless you both.

Stay strong in love, and stay true to one another.

Alexandria and Zachary -- March 8th, 2011 -- Just the Beginning

Extravagant

Christmas in Bethlehem. The ancient dream: a cold, clear night made brilliant by a glorious star, the smell of incense, shepherds and wise men falling to their knees in adoration of the sweet baby, the incarnation of perfect love. ~Lucinda Franks

I am going to be extremely honest right here.

I love Christmas.

I'm like a little kid when it comes to this time of year. I am incredibly sentimental when it comes to Christmas.

I hate snow, but I want a white Christmas. I have this quirk about sleeping under the Christmas tree, looking up at the lights and ornaments, all of which have some sort of sentimental significance. Christmas gifts are more than boxes wrapped up in colorful paper and stuck underneath a bit of green shrubbery; each gift has some sort of personal direction toward the receiver that will really make them smile.

I even sit for hours with no lights on at night, just the Christmas lights and a few candles, just listening to my favorite Christmas songs and soaking in the magic that December seems to fuse my soul with in waves of music and pine-scented candles.

But there comes a moment in my heart -- generally in the last days before the big day arrives -- that the deep reminder of what this entire season is about grips my heart.

It's more than just the saga of a pregnant woman and her husband riding a donkey over the Judean countryside...more than shepherds and Wise Men gathering in a small stable...more than angels singing choruses and brightening the darkness with their heavenly light.

It's the reality that the King of the Universe -- the One that holds the stars in place and sends the thunderclouds to do His bidding -- stepped down from His throne.

He laid down His might, His power, and His glory...and stepped from Life to life.

From streets of gold and the lauding of angels to the inexperienced arms of a teenage Israelite girl and her rugged new husband...knowing EXACTLY what His purpose was.

He was born to die. For me.

So tonight, as I sit on my couch, looking out the frost-covered windows at the snow-covered street below, I cast my eyes toward the sky. And as a lone tear trickles down my cheek, I whisper a prayer of utmost and humble gratitude to the One who gave Himself to the world...

...Jesus, Your love is extravagant. More than I deserve.

Please, never let me forget.

You gave the ultimate gift that winter night.

You gave us Your life. Your love. Your blood. Your forgiveness.

Merry Christmas.

And the first time / That You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior / And the first breath that left Your lips / Did You know that it would change this world forever...And I, I celebrate the day / That You were born to die / So I could one day pray for You to save my life. ~I Celebrate The Day, Relient K

Past

Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title. ~Virginia Woolf

The past is complicated.

There's only so much about the past that we actually want to dwell on; but even then, those few bits and pieces are tricky to deal with at times.

How many of us look back over our lives and wish that we had done things differently?

How often are our hearts flooded with "what if..."s and second guesses?

Is this why the idea of time travel is so appealing?

The idea that maybe...just maybe...we could leap through the threads of time and make a different choice...

For some people, the idea is intoxicating. For others, the idea has never even entered their minds.

It's all in how you look at it, I suppose.

The past is part of who we are. It's the stones that make up the road that we have passed over in our journey of existence.

Those old relationships...those moments we wish we could take back...those choices we desperately wish to re-do...it's all part of the masterplan, set in motion by the One who holds our past and future in His hands.

Is it always easy to look back?

No.

Are there times we catch ourselves standing on that cliff, looking over the mist-shrouded mountains of our future, and find our gaze drifting backwards to glimpse the past moments?

Yes.

Is the past important? More than we will ever know. It's what got us here.

The past is the tool of God to move us forward...

...upward...

...onward...

...inward...

...it's not perfect.

But it is precious.

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare. ~Psalm 40:5

La Belle et la Bête

"The way to read a fairy tale is to throw yourself in." ~W. H. Auden

Every little girl has her favorite fairytale. The reason the story is her favorite is as unique and individual as she is -- a seemingly innocent glimpse into her psyche and her own brand of romance.

For me, it has always been "Beauty and the Beast."

Ever since I was old enough to pick up a book, I have been captivated by the rich romance and the sensual mystery wrapped up in the tale itself.

...a handsome yet arrogant prince, cursed to bear the visage of a beast until he can find someone to love him for his heart and not for his looks.

A dreamy and intelligent French girl who finds herself in an enchanted castle with a moody, romantic creature because of her father's careless mistake.

I don't know what it is about the story of the melancholy beast and the beautiful young bookworm that captivates me so strongly.

In fact, no matter what version or retelling of the story, I have yet to find one that does not capture the unspeakable essence of the story.

Perhaps it is the dramatic emotions of the story...maybe it is the elegant intensity found as the tale progresses...it might even be the gripping and beautiful truths found wrapped in this breathtaking package...

...the idea that beauty is more than just the outward appearance...that the heart is more important than the skin...

...the reminder that pride should be tempered with grace and elegance, and that books are doors to a vast world of imagination and romance...

For even in our adult world, filled with real-life problems and sorrows more than our hearts can bear at times, sometimes we need to remember a few basic truths from the fairytales that whisper to our youthful hearts.

Perhaps we need to take the time to crack open the long-forgotten spine of a familiar story, inhale the sent of leather and dust, and allow ourselves to find that place again...

...that place where roses are magical and castles in France hold our imaginations spellbound.

Witness

We need a witness to our lives...in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything..you're saying 'your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness'. ~Shall We Dance

People ask me all the time: "So, how's married life?"

This question is one of the most impossible quandaries to answer. Because, honestly, the truth is not what people are looking for when it comes to this question's complicated answer.

They want you to tell them that everything is wonderful, and has been nothing but roses and sunshine since the day you said "I do."

If I told you that, I'd be lying.

Marriage has been one of the hardest things I have ever undertaken. In fact, until a couple of days ago, I don't think I've even fully understood this cacophonous symphony we call "matrimony."

I think God decided that it was time that I had my eyes opened...and everything that I thought I knew about marriage changed dramatically right before my eyes. In the long run, it wasn't even that big of an issue; important, but not life-or-death.

It was last night when I finally realized that I had been going about my marriage all wrong. I had been looking to my husband to fill my heart up and meet my needs without fail...and in the process, Jon's heart had been forgotten.

For the past couple months, God had been trying to turn my eyes away from myself and back onto my husband's aching heart. However, I had been so lost in my own selfish, myopic world that it took something frightening to snap me back into focus.

In a way, I am Jon's only earthly witness to this life we share together.

I am his partner and his other half.

God created me to be Jon's helpmate, his bride, and his companion from the moment we said "I do" until one of us passes from earth to eternity.

I will be his witness...

...hand in hand, from this day forward.

Marriage isn't perfect, to be sure. There will be bumps, heartache, and loss. It takes sacrifice, selflessness, and unconditional love.

It's hard...

...but there will also be love, life, surrender, joy, and precious moments.

It's worth everything.

As You Wish

"Death can not stop true love, it can only delay it for a little while" ~ The Princess Bride

I can quote a lot of lines from a lot of movies. It's just one of my many quirks. My memory seems to latch onto cinematic dialogue. I have no valid explanation.

However, there is one movie that I can quote in its entirety without hardly batting an eye.

The Princess Bride.

For those of you who haven't had the distinct privilege of viewing this 1987 cult classic film...GO WATCH IT. Because, I have to say, it is one of the most incredible movies ever released.

Oddly enough, as my husband pointed out to me tonight, it is the movie that best describes our marriage.

One scene in particular, actually.

The Dread Pirate Roberts has "rescued" Buttercup from the hands of her three unusual kidnappers, and they are on the run together. They stop for a brief rest on a mountaintop. Roberts is being rather gruff and brutal with her, mocking her and treating her sorrow over the death of her one true love, Westley, as something trivial

She finally becomes fed up with him and screams in his face,

"You mocked me once; never do it again. I died that day...and you can die too, for all I care."

With that, she shoves him off the cliff and watches him tumble head over heals down the mountainside. As he falls, Roberts manages to call three simple words back up to her.

"As...you...wish..."

Buttercup suddenly realizes that the man that she has just potentially murdered is not the frightening Dread Pirate Roberts. It is her soulmate, Westley, whom she had thought to be dead. Horrified, she throws herself down the mountain after him.

In so many ways, that is my response with Jon. He becomes gruff or sharp with me in a time of conflict, and I retaliate with a knee-jerk reaction of pushing him away from me...maybe not down a literal cliff, but most certainly in a way that disrespects him.

Suddenly, I realize that I have just injured the man whom I love the most in this world, and I throw myself down after him. I would rather be wounded myself than to live the rest of my days knowing that I had hurt him and had lost him forever.

This is the conundrum that is so prevalent with marriages all across the world. We hurt the ones we love, and then we self-destruct in a last-ditch effort to save the one we have just wounded so brutally. This unending cycle seems intent on destroying our relationships -- not just with our spouses, but also with our friends and family members.

It's at moments like this when I look into my husband's eyes, and I realize something so incredibly powerful.

Jon loves me. He would risk his own safety to protect me and keep me safe.

He would brave the Cliffs of Insanity.

...swim through "eel-infested waters."

...sword-fight with a Spaniard.

...engage in hand-to-hand combat with a man six times his own size.

..."go against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

...brave the three terrors of the Fire Swamp (lightning sand, flame spurt, and even R.O.U.S's)...

...and finally, he would even undergo the most horrific of tortures and surrender his life

...all for me.

Because he loves me just that much.

So maybe, I need to lay down my pride, take his hand, and brave these terrors of life together. Because, as everyone knows...

"This is true love. Do you think this happens every day?"

True

Have you ever thought about how God sees you?

...ever sat down beneath a spreading tree and gazed up at the pale blue sky, spread lightly with wispy clouds, just to think about someone for whom you care deeply?

...danced under a midnight sky, sprinkled with the delicately burning stars?

...opened a leather-bound book that has sat on the shelf for months, and felt as if you were becoming reacquainted with a long-missed friend?
That is a picture of God's delight in you.
Have you ever had a broken heart?

...wept until you were out of tears over the struggles of a beloved brother, fighting his way through old memories, stamped indelibly in his mind...if only you could free him...if only...?

...carried the secret pains of a friend on your own heart, wishing you could fight her battles for her...wishing that you could make her understand how beautiful she is...?
This is a picture of God's pain at your sorrow.

Have you ever experienced true love?
...had someone love you so much that they would give up their comfort, their freedom, their dreams, their very lives to keep you safe?

...had someone wrap their arms around you and just let you cry your heart out into their shoulder, knowing that their heart is breaking because you are suffering?
This is a picture of God's love for you.

This is a picture of my God.
True delight.
True sorrow.
True love.
"And God demonstrates His love for us in this...while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:8
"Great love has none than this: that a man lays down his life for his friends." -John 15:13