autumn's blur {142-151}

{via pinterest}

this week has been one of those confusing bits of time.

those times when all the days run together and it's hard to decipher where you even fall in the stretch of Sunday to Saturday. these are the times when things can seem very blurry, dizzying in their confusion. it's not that things have been awful or easily forgettable.

it's just been a blur.

 i think i'm still in a place of rest, of recovery, from my crazy beach wedding adventure. it's been a week now since my plane touched down on the tarmac and i left the Southern warmth. i returned to find that the Midwestern world kept turning without me, and fall came in a blink.

it's refreshing to inhale the cold. it's something about being home. about wool and peppermint hot chocolate.

about my lists continuing to grow, leaps and bounds of blessings that swell over me like a rush of autumn leaves.

• 142. His love. forever and always, no matter what i do. i'm His daughter, the one for which He died. this never-changing glory. 

• 143. tears of life. of joy. there is something powerful in knowing that tears are not only for brokenness, but for when light overflows into sparkling drops down your face. 

• 144. the miracle that is my precious Granny. she is holding on...for just a bit longer...giving me a chance to see her in the coming days before she slips from earth to Home. 

• 145. peppermint hot chocolate and chicken pot pies in October. an early blessing and whisper of winter's promise

• 146. so much closeness of family. we're all here, all close. this corner of the world is ours to share. 

{via pinterest}

• 147. carving pumpkins with little voices and hands. sparking eyes and rounded lips as they see their own work glowing in candlelight. 

• 148. music. again, the mystery of notes and melody captivates me. 

• 149. seeing my novel start to come together. pinboards and blog posts, cementing my imagination together. only seven days left until i begin, and i am no longer afraid. 

• 150. giggles with my little sister. both adults but still refusing to grow up. 

• 151. fairy tales. Prince Charming and enchanted roses. knowing that there is an eventual happily ever after for those who belong to Him. 

another scrap of ecletic blessings to fill my Monday. these streaks of watercolour on a week that threatened to bleed together all over again. 

but i held out for the colours. the cold will not freeze my soul, will not dim my eyes. 

this fade is the start 

of so many blessings. 

{linking with Ann and my fellow blessing-chasers today}

abounding {129-141}

{your first sneak-peak at the wedding photos}

on this morning, my cup overflows.

i cannot even begin to express the condition of my heart as the Floridian sun caressed my cheek this morning, reminding me that my time to return has come.

i don't want to leave this place.

this place of love and connection and some of the most precious people that dwell in this world.

and even in the midst of all the stress and rushing that has flooded my path this week,

the blessings have been innumerable.

• 129. ocean breezes and the crash of waves

• 130. the sight of a fresh and pure bride stepping down the sand toward a glowing groom with handkerchief blindfolded, awaiting her touch on his shoulder, to turn and to see her for the first time.

• 131. the tears on a mother's face as her daughter steps from child to woman

• 132. laughter.

• 133. swing dancing in the ocean waves as waves soak our skirts and the sunset kisses our lips and eyes. 

• 134. secret smiles and inside jokes

• 135. the reassuring and loving caress of a woman whom i call Mama

• 136. my best friend, now a wife, as she sobs into my shoulder with so many smiles. this day was perfect for us both.

• 136. love. the love of family. of friends. of man and wife. of 35 people gathered together. it was overwhelming. 

• 137. the ordaining hand of God, bringing each moment together in the most perfect of ways.

• 138. His provision. His promises are sure. 

• 139. aching sides and streaming eyes as laughter echos from the bridal party's throats among the sandy dunes

• 140. returning home when the time is right.

• 141. knowing that i am loved, knowing that i am wanted and treasured. 

my list is endless this morning. i could write for hours. His grace is so much sufficiency for me

and so i board a plane and journey home. and i will weep as i kiss my second family goodbye. 

but for everything there is a season. a time to come, and a time to go.

and this has been my time

 of blessings never ending.

{linking as always with Ann this morning. this blessings are growing greater}

resting lists {119-128}

at the time i'm writing this, it's 12:30am.

and for whatever reason, i can't sleep.

actually i know why i can't sleep.

i have lists in my head. like a tumble drier, all the things i must do and all the things i must not forget are passing back and forth and back and forth through my tired mind.

i have lists. and i am making more lists.

i leave for my best friend's wedding in a little more than 16 hours. my suitcase is gaping open on my bed right now, overflowing with too many blouses and not enough shoes. everything i need to be a maid of honour, everything that is required of me to be gone for a week.

what to pack. what to leave. what needs to be done at home. programmed coffee pots and eight loads of laundry.

i can't forget anything.

so i make lists.

and then i remember. oh, precious recollection.

today is Monday. and i have another list to continue. a list that won't make my head ache or my fingers tremble as they grip a pen.

a list that will refresh. renew. give me the grace of energy and the sweetness of sleep in one swift movement.

and so i write it now. at 12:36am. 

• 119. oversized suitcases

• 120. one more late night phone call

• 121. answered prayers and gifts restored

• 122. unlocked apartment doors on days when i locked myself out

• 123. warm quilts and downy pillows that call my name at this late hour

• 124. Alex. the beautiful bride-to-be. she remains my dearest friend. 

• 125. a great-grandmother that clings to life...perhaps a chance to hold her close and whisper my own goodbyes before she goes to Him

• 126. my father's laughter, robust until the humour strikes and then the squeaking and the tears and the uncontrollable joy that spreads like wildfire around our tiny ice-cream laden table

• 127. airplanes. oh, how i love to fly. 

• 128. sleep. rest. 

it's time now.

time to let the lists go and the sleep to come.

no more lists. 

only these blessings to comfort and rest.

today is just beginning. 

more and more {92-101}

these lists on Monday have begun to change me.

the book has changed me doubly still. 

the King has gripped my soul.

i never realized that this would be a transforming habit. 

i make lists as it is. a bit compulsively, i might add. grocery lists, to-do lists, wishlists and Christmas lists, gifts to buy and things to make. food to cook and dreams to fulfill. 

this is not a wishlist. not a collection of things i need or want or require to make my life a better place. 

"not of gifts i want, but of gifts i already have...this writing it down -- it is sort of like...unwrapping love." 

and so bit by bit

i unwrap this love. 

• 92. respect. from peers is given, from position is earned.

• 93. new cell phones, gifted for twenty-one years from my parents. phone calls that can be made, texts to be sent, and that doesn't turn off without a moment of warning.

• 94. steaming mugs of raspberry tea. warming after the damping from icy rain.

• 95. corner booths in old-fashioned cafes. 

• 96. "calm. peace. be still."

• 97. late nights in theaters, the smell of paint and sawdust in the air. 

• 98. a word from His heart to mine. "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10)

• 99. plane tickets purchased to my best friend's wedding. less than a month, and the date is here. 

• 100. the smell of new books

• 101. the wisdom of elders, the calming of friends, the sweetness of children.

i love these gifts of mine.

no more demands or wants.

these are gifts i already possess. 

this is eucharisteo. 

grace. 

thanksgiving. 

joy.

{linking up with this one thousand step journey}

eucharisteo {84-91}

i bought the book.

after almost a month of walking down this path of a thousand blessings and more, i finally took this volume in my hands.

one thousand gifts. ann voskamp. 

what i found, i did not expect.

but then again, i don't honestly know what i was expecting.

i think i was expecting a book. but this volume, this thing of paper and ink and cardboard cover...this is no book.

this is love flowing as through veins. this is mystery to be taken in and slowly, ravenously savoured like some rare and precious savory treat.

this book has lost me and gained me. emptied and filled me.

i see now what i did not see. 

and i'm barely touching chapter three. 

i wish you could see my copy. so full of markings, pen scribbles of my own floundering heart poured out to mingle with her poetry and truth.

the list has begun to form on the inside cover. each time i pen a blessing here, i will now write it in the book. making my own Gift List within the book itself.

and oh, how my blessings grow.

• 84. freedom in Christ. freedom in country.

• 85. this book of mud-straw nest and sky blue eggs. this dare to be different. this life-changer. 

• 86. forgiveness. 

• 87. sister's fingers through my hair, soothing as she combs and talks of things we missed.

• 88. cooking, chopping with the new knives from father to mother, laughter amid sisters and mothers and daughters. 

• 89. little boy arms around my leg, clinging. love you, rae-cho. 

• 90. the perfect theatrical finale, coming together to make something so harmonious. this show will be a good show.

• 91. rest. oh, the sweetness of rest after the arduous tousle of days packed full and nights of dark-laden screams. my God is good. 

i will never cease to praise. i will never cease to find this word of life. of joy. of grace. of every day steps. 

how they rise. a thousand lanterns brushing against Heaven's waiting fingertips. a thousand moments of perfect praise, gifts to Him from earth. 

finding this daily thanksgiving. 

this grace of living to live. 

"Eucharisteo—thanksgiving—always precedes the miracle." ~Ann Voskamp

linking up with hundreds of others
with Ann
as we walk this path of multitudes together

bits {71-83}

let's waste time chasing cars around  our heads. ~Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars


it's been an intense week.

and now it's Monday. i'm so very in love with this Monday, though.

thus far, it's been perfect.autumny cool and rich in grace.

i may have just jinxed my elegant morning, but still. it was flawless.

and i'm in love with the simple things that have been my companions this week.

those little things that have made this path worth walking

 and these evenings full of reveling and delights. 

• 71. music. searching through iTunes for new favourites to create my autumn playlist.  Alex Goot. Audrey Assad. He Is We. this song in particular is worthy of dancing every time it's played, which has been a lot. so is this one.

• 72. the return of my mum and sister to the United States. three months was truly too long. 

• 73. french braids and neon-green ribbons. sister time with German chocolates and Jane Eyre. 

• 74. the sweetness of late nights, snuffly snores blending with Gilmore Girls. 

• 75. lace curtain stargazing

• 76. early-birthday kisses from my grandfather. just a bit past 70 and one of my best friends. 

• 77. rehearsals that make me think, maybe i can do this after all. 

• 78. a word. just a word. Mine. 

• 79. freedom from fear. from sin. from death. knowing whatever my lot, it is well with my soul. 

• 80. family. my family, in particular. 

• 81. food blogs. the kind that make your stomach rumble and your mouth water and your fingers itch to take up a wooden spoon and create something magic. 

• 82. gardens that speak of Jane Austen and smell of lavender and sage. 

• 83. the ability to approach without fear. being able to pray. 

these are those tidbits. those little big things in which i could lose myself forever. 

blessed beyond measure.

linking with multitudes on Mondays. 
so much beauty found here. 

restoration. {51-60}

It's back again.


Monday, that is...although this morning has been so beautiful and peaceful that I think that "Monday" may have decided to wait another day to appear, and that I have instead reawakened on Sunday.


There is something so beautifully peaceful about this morning. It's a reminder to me as to why I don't write these posts on Sunday nights and schedule them to post the next day.


True, one of those reasons is because I have yet to figure out the whole concept of successfully scheduling my posts. But the other is because of the powerful beauty in awakening to a morning of twittering birds and cool almost-autumnal breezes.

• 51. An almost perfect week of OZ! rehearsals. I may have just set a theatrical jinx upon myself, but these past three practices have flowed like a summertime stream, and we are actually currently ahead. Lord, let this endure.

• 52. The sweet pain of correction, and knowing that I have a dear one in my life with the courage to pull me aside and speak words of change into my heart. "You have to let go, or else you will be consumed...you are beautiful and undeniably precious...you are not an untouchable."

• 53. Food. A simple blessing, you may think. But to me, this is a gift worthy of mentioning. Food is becoming an art to me...the complex combination of flavour and presentation, tugging on all five senses with sensory fingers of delight. Is this bringing me back to the days when I wanted to make my life out of edibles and create culinary masterpieces for a profession. A dream rekindled, perhaps?

• 54. A young teenager who holds the door for me, sincerely and without parental pressure. Chivalry is not so dead as we once feared.

• 55. |An afternoon of laughter with my husband, my father, and my visiting grandmother whom I have not seen since last spring. Sharing stories of my father's childhood adventures over plates of stunning food...laughing until we couldn't stop with tears pouring down our faces. 

• 56. Our church. This place has touched the face of God. 18 months ago, we followed the call of God and took our seats in this place for the first time. May we never look back.

• 57. Curling into a pair of strong arms, feeling so secure and calmed by the touch of my dearest Love. Kisses on my forehead and nightly reminders that I am treasured, that I now walk this road as two instead of one, that I have a witness in this life. In case you wondered, I believe in soulmates. And I have truly found mine. 

• 58. Hearing my sister's voice, from Italy to America via technology. How I miss her and my mother both. One more week without them, and then...the most beautiful of homecomings. 

• 59. Wrestling with God, and being undone by His mercy. 

• 60. Finding myself again. This broken vessel has a use in His hand. I can be fixed. I am not forever destroyed.

These are my blessings. Some fleeting, to be sure. 

But most? How they will endure until the end of time and beyond.


The inspiration overwhelms me on mornings such as this one. The voice of my God is an echoing whisper in my soul, forever reminding and forever loving.

My cup runneth over. 


We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...for our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. ~2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 17-18

Linking with Ann, as I have done every Monday since July.
However, I have just now found the graphic.
Nine days left to enter into my August giveaway. 

Reminders {41-50}

This has been one of those "Monday sort of Mondays."

Perhaps it is days like this that conjured up the idea that Mondays are indeed the bane of the weekday.  From my first moments of waking, I was overwhelmed with an onslaught of hurt.

So many dark clouds seemed to have crept over my beautiful ideals for this day, as if in an attempt to shut out any glimpses of joy.

I actually had no intention of even writing this post today. I simply poured out my heart in this post, and made no true plans to write anything of a joyful or blessed nature today.

I thought, maybe tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow, I will write my joys. I will be in better spirits, I'm sure, and then I will lose myself in beauty.

But my Lord had other plans for me this morning.

Write your joys, beloved one. 

I'm carrying you in this...is that not enough reason alone to sing? 

Be strong, dearheart. 

Courage. 

Write your joys.

And so, I will write my beauties...my joys...and my light. 

• 41. An hour and a half long phone call with Grace...discussions of yarn, knitting, paperback novels, and the comforting glory of God in the midst of our struggles.

• 42. The power of my rapidly growing church, and the majesty of the Mighty God who is backing us up through every single moment of growth...and through every moment of hardship. We are facing our giants, claiming this Promise. 

• 43. Dance rehearsals. Long, exhausting, beautiful dance rehearsals. I will never tire of seeing a group of disconnected, confused cast members suddenly click...suddenly understand....suddenly dancing in sync. There's a powerful beauty in this. 

• 44. Laughter. Oh, so much laughter. 

• 45. Being curled beneath my bedroom window, the cool wind and sweet half-summer-half-autumn aroma tickling my senses. I wish all days were like this. 

• 46. The comfort of my mother and sister, even across an entire ocean. There's something about my sister's fire of indignation and my mother's calm smile that wrap me in arms of indescribable sweetness. Two weeks until they are home again.

• 47. Knowing I am loved. Knowing that, no matter what happens, He loves me. That my treasured friends love me. That I am carried in arms of prayer and wings of mercy. 

• 48. Life. Breath. Salvation. Joys aplenty. Endless mercies. 

• 49. Grief. There is beauty found in tears, the release of weeping and pouring oneself out before the King. He cannot fix what is not broken. 

• 50. Watching Tangled for the literal ten thousandth time, curled on the couch with a five year old towhead angel of a boy as he touches my tear-streaked cheek and says, "don't cry, he comes back to life again. Promise!" 

I have found beauty in this darkness.

There is pink and blue and gold among this grey.

There is love here. 

...bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor. ~Isaiah 61:3

(Don't forget to enter August's giveaway! It's almost half over...don't miss out!)

Musing {24-32}

A man is not idle because he is absorbed in thought.  There is a visible labor and there is an invisible labor  ~Victor Hugo

The beginning of another week has arrived. And with it, the start of a fresh page on the calender. It is so very strange for me to realize that we are already in the eighth month of 2011.

The way time passes is, in itself, a blessing for me. No matter what happens, I always know that the sun will set and rise again on a new day. Time is a constant, regardless of what I do or what decisions I make in each day.

But as always, this past week has overflowed with so many beauties that I can hardly bare to see this week come to an end. It was another watercolour week...one blessing after another, blending together to paint the most stunning portrait...another adornment on the wall of my life.

• 24. The official beginning of OZ!...a tumultuous read-through crammed with details and information, bursting with whispers of the next two dramatically theatrical months to come. 

• 25. A surprise package bursting with a six-page epistle and a beautifully scented patched of knitty goodness from the heart of a precious friend...one of those reminders that I'm not alone, and I am loved.

• 26. Three nights, interspersed throughout the week, but three nights of sleep all nightmare-free. There is such beauty in rest, such a deep sense of peace found when one lays herself down into the hands of the King, trusting on Him to bear all the restlessness.   

• 27. The start of a new Inspired Monthly Giveaway...another chance to lose oneself in whimsy and beautiful things, immersed in stunning talent from the workbenches of others. 

• 28. Hearing a Word, straight from the heart of the King of the world...the sweetest balm for my soul..."See, I am doing a new thing. Now it is springing up; can you not perceive it?I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:19)

• 29. Rediscovering my seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer after almost a year-long lack of viewing. Sometimes, dusting off old fictional friends is a sweet reminder of days gone by and dreams once imagined. 

• 30. Brand-new brown and teal swirled dayplanners, lemon drop fudge with a sprinkling of sugar, and neatly organized theater schedules. 

• 31. Laughter. 

• 32. My niece resting her head on my shoulder, tucking her thumb contentedly in her mouth, and clinging to me with a little sigh of infant sleepiness...gazing over my shoulder at the world of cardboard boxes. 

Each time a new month starts, I cannot help but wish to look ahead, to see what might be in store for me in the coming thirty-one days of life. To start August off in such a way...to be surrounded with so many blessings...I can wish for no better way to begin a month. 

As my list of blessings grows longer, I am reminded of what a beautiful thing this life is...what a beautiful place this world is...and oh, what an even more splendid Home awaits me in days to come. 

This is a watercolour list...

...in my watercolour world. 

It is a good idea to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that all its shy presence may haunt you and possess you in a reverie of suspended thought.  ~James Douglas


(For this post, I'm linking up with Carissa at lowercase letters.) 

Late {15-23}

Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.  ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I know that today is Tuesday, and that I missed my weekly time of contemplation that come amid the sunrise each Monday morning.

Yesterday, however, was one of those days that left me simply no time for blogging...save for a short yet sweet explanation of my absenteeism, which can be found here.

And trust me, as much as I love each and every one of you, it was truly worth it in the long run.

Yesterday was one of those days that was so full of complicated blessings and wracked with unending moments of business that it almost has all run together in a watercolour blur...

...and yet, the blessings stand out as clear as though they were illuminated in an outline of the purest of light.

• 15. The restoration of the once-under-appreciated gift of electricity after almost an entire day of darkness, due to yet another vicious storm that swept over us.

• 16. Checking item 43 off my bucket list...as I begin the process of directing my first musical theater production...one step closer to fulfilling all my dreams. OZ! has just begun. 

• 17. The squeal of delight from an aspiring actor or actress as I tell them the part they received...these phone calls are one of the best parts of being a director. 

• 18. The simple blessings of a sunrise, warm and sweet after so many days of oppressive storm clouds stealing the sunlight. 

• 19. Awakening to read the beautiful words of Psalm 113, my heart flooding with tear-filled wonder and awe..."Who is like our God?"

• 20. Discovering that my little sister is coming home from Germany almost a month earlier than originally planned...reading a Facebook wallpost filled with sisterly inside jokes and upcoming photoshoot plans...it's been too long since I've seen my best friend.

• 21. Owl City and icy-cold Dr. Pepper...the melodies and the dripping moisture down the side of the can blending into a strange symphony of sensation and beauty.

• 22. The discovery of this song by Breanne Duren...Adam Young's female counterpart with a voice like oranges and sandlewood. This is my new musical love. 

• 23. Allowing my love of dandelions to pour out into this guest post over at A New Rebel...innocent beauty found in the weed patch. 

More simple joys. More little things combined to make beautiful pleasures of life.

Forgive my lateness...

...and embrace my delight. 

When ideas float in our mind without any reflection or regard of the understanding, it is that which the French call revery, our language has scarce a name for it.  ~John Locke

gifts {1-7}

I have learned to cease my despising of Mondays.

Yes, for the majority of the world (myself included), Mondays are the bane of our existence.

Back to work. Back to school. Back to the daily grind of all things "weekday"...the departure from the simple restfulness that is the weekend.

Monday's seem to capture all the unspoken troubles of weekends past, and transform them into some doubly horrific and unbearably stressful.

I understand this. I have lived through countless Mondays in my 20 years, and I know I have many more to come. In fact, I struggle with allowing myself to sink into depression at the state of the week, becoming overwhelmed with all I have faced, and that which I have yet to endure in the days ahead.

But I am changing my focus...redirecting my viewpoint from my weary feet and upwards toward the Cross.

So for me, and for this blog, Mondays will now be our time to remember....to enjoy...to take in the gifts that the King has brought upon us.

1,000 of them, to be exact. Perhaps only two or three, perhaps more than a dozen at a time. Each Monday, I will count my blessings...to one thousand and perhaps even beyond.

1. The lovely roll of thunder to which I awoke
2. The sweet familiar smell of my pillow beneath my head
3. Sweet puppy kisses on my toes, and golden eyes looking up at me with love as I write
4. The discovery of IZZE at a local convinience store, almost 60 miles closer than I thought
5. A loving text from someone I hold dear, reminding me once again that I am not alone, that I am not fighting this uphill battle alone
6. The stunning melody of instrumental piano on a friend's blog, which currently fills my ears as I compose this post. 
7. Awakening to read Isaiah 43:2-3, and inhaling the promise of my Savior's enduring love as thought it was the most perfect and delicate of perfumes. 

Mondays are full of all things beautiful, just as are the other days of the week. In fact, Monday is the ribbon on the package that is a new week. 

When the first rays of sun dawn on a Monday, it is the first tug of that parcel binding. When the thunder rolls, it is God tearing open the paper, revealing a new beginning, without a single mistake upon the page. 

This idea was inspired by the beautiful and delightfully outspoken Sarah and her lovely corner of the internet: Emerging Mummy...and what a thought it was. To reach beyond the veil and touch the face of God...to receive His love instead of casting down makeshift curses. 

And that is where I shall begin. Pen in hand, my Beloved King at my side, and new mercies as the dawn. 

I encourage each of you to do the same. There is no button for this challenge...no specific tag of any kind. But the prize? The prize is greater than any giveaway I could ever concoct. 

The prize is joy. Peace. Delight. Blessing. 

The chance to take a long, slow breath...if only for just this one moment. 

Happy Monday, my loves. 

This day is not a curse...

...it is a new beginning...

...the ultimate blessing. 

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.” ~Lamentations 2:22-24