wonderful

{Dorothy and Toto get to know the Scarecrow}

i am currently seated in my overstuffed leather armchair. 

hair back in a bit of a ratty ponytail, toes bare. my grey t-shirt speaks my weekend to a t.

defying gravity. 

this weekend, i walked down the yellow brick road with a fantastic cast of 45. 

we made magic. 

in this world we created, scarecrows can sing and men made of tin can wander through the woods. lions can skip and little girls can become puppy dogs with the help of a little black makeup. 

poppies are dangerous. trees are fierce. witches can be good or bad...well, only two. giant mystical wizards might be a little less than they appear. 

and ruby shoes have magical powers.  

we also made a family. 

i sit here, a green t-shirt drapped over the arm of my comfy resting place. 

45 Sharpie-scrawled signatures. 

who knew that yellow bricks could cement hearts like this? 

this technicolour magic lingers still. 

{melting...she's melting}

i'm crying now. i miss them already. they took my heart and painted it silver.

i have brains, a heart, and courage aplenty.

it was wonderful. 

to my incredible cast and crew: 

who can say if i've been changed for the better, but because i knew you, i have been changed for good.

{i promise that there are more pictures from the show coming soon. these are just two of my favourites that have been posted so far, and i wanted to share them with you.}

phoenix stage

There is hope; there is a purpose to suffering. Art can create a place where the weight and reality of our darkness can be seen. ~Makoto Fujimuzo

i live for art.

really, i do.

they drive me crazy sometimes. i find myself sitting on the edge of the stage, gazing out over all the empty seats

and i wonder why i do it.

and then i remember. 

i do it for the nights like this one.

the nights where cue-to-cues flow better than they are supposed to and struggling lines turn smooth and rocky steps being to flow in unison again.

i do it for the beauty. for the composition. for the thrill and rush and the incredible feeling of satisfaction seeing months of hard work transformed into a symphony onstage.

today was the first day of Tech Week for OZ!


day one of five before the show. day one of five arduous days that will make my brain ache, my tears flow, and my legs ache with constant pacing and running and darting and leaping.

but it's a beautiful kind of pain.

it's perfect. 

it's this dance. this gift from Him to me. this pain that turns to joy.

this onstage phoenix. 

this quote from my precious Alexandria speaks my artist heart better than i ever could.

We tape up sore toes, 

play till our fingers bleed, 

stain our hands with ink and paint, 

deal with writer's cramp, 

and weep through countless sleepless nights

because without our art 

we would die.

life step

this whole life can seem like a theater dream.

you know, the bad kind.

the kind where hands push hard on your back and you stumble

stumble out onto a fully lit stage with naught in hand and strange clothing on your back, if any at all.

and they tell you dance but there is no familial music and no steps to guide your feet.

and they tell you speak but you don't know the words.

you don't even know who or what you're supposed to be. 

and you freeze and stumble and bleed and weep and all you want to do is run

run 

run 

run 

run 

run 

run 

until you can't see this strange place anymore ever.

and the comes the laugh. the hearty mocking gafaws that echo through your heart and cause you to freeze and stumble and bleed and weep all over again.

and there is no run.

because your legs have turned to liquid stone and you have nothing anymore.

and then you wake up. and it was all a dream. 

the sigh of relief falls into canter with the beating of your still unsure heart.

but then the news clicks on. death and destruction and ache and break and death not life and dark not light and nothing is as it should be anymore.

hands pushed you into this glaring place and you don't know what o do.

nothing in your hand. nothing on your back.

and then they say dance. 

but He gives the music and holds your feet against His bleeding nail scars and you move together.

they say speak. 

but He gives you His words and you speak. 

a mouthpiece for a mouth of peace. it's a symphony, 

this life of you and He together.

alone it's a kurfuffle of empty noise.

together is a dance.

 a step. 

a life. 

no fear. no stone. no ice.

life love warmth freedom courage.

all this life in Him. 

{linking with my dear emily for this broken song of love}

Ruby

I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being. ~Oscar Wilde

Today is another OZ! rehearsal.

I know I haven't blogged about it a lot since it began, minus a small introductory post, posted in a fit of intense exhaustion the night of auditions

Really, I think it's because I at one point was trying to keep my personal life away from this blog. I didn't want to be the kind of person who chronicled the details of my day-by-day existence, simply because that wasn't the point behind this blog in the beginning.

But honestly, this show means a lot to me....maybe even more than any other production I've worked on thus far. That's a hard thing to say, given how many shows I've been a part of in my almost twenty-one years of life, but I think it might be true for this one.

OZ! is a bucket list item that I've finally managed to check off.

Number 43: direct my first musical. 

We open in one month from Tuesday. My 21st birthday, September 23rd, will be spent fulfilling a lifelong dream. 

It has been so incredibly hard. Much harder than I ever could have envisioned at the beginning. And I'm sure that, as this show continues to progress, I will have more and more and more and more and more moments of varying levels of emotion.

Every director has a roller-coaster that we ride from the very first day.

Yes! This is going to be amazing!

This is NEVER going to get done.

We are so far ahead!

I can't do this; it's just too hard!

I know that I have already run the gambit of these feelings more than once, and I promise that I will be doing it again in the near future. 

I have cried so many tears to my Love in frustration over this show.

I have hosted small one-person dance parties in my kitchen in the utter elation of success. 

It's what happens in theatre. 

It's a dream come true.

And so, as the weeks pass and rehearsals come heavy and fast, I will continue to click my ruby-clad heels together and whisper

there's no place like home.  

Valse (Waltz)

Daddy and I
Photo by DramaticElegance

The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love, He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. ~Zephaniah 3:17

I am a dancer.

I suppose that my dancing abilities come with the musical theater territory...as well as attending a high school where swing dancing was the movement of choice.

It also may have something to do with my jazz musician father and musically-inclined mother slow dancing together  in his office to Frank Sinatra records...seeing them dance together at school functions...watching them share a dance in the corner on my wedding day.

My mom is a willing follower...my dad is more than a joyous leader.

It's one of my earliest memories: standing on my daddy's toes while he taught me the simplest of waltzes next to the stereo system in his office, him counting in my ear while my tiny five-year-old fingers clutch his large paternal hands.

It's a memory that follows me to this day...and shall continue to do so all of my life.

It's a memory that came to culmination on my wedding day...holding my still tiny nineteen-year-old hands against my daddy's slightly wrinkled palms, his tux contrasting with my white dress as we cried together to the tune of Cinderella. 

Is it not so poignant then to know that our Father dances over us?

My daddy showed me how to form the steps...my Daddy forms them over me.

My daddy counted out the rhythm in my childish ear...my Daddy counts my breaths and knows them all.

My daddy taught me how to dance.

My Daddy taught my father how to dance.

You dance over me / While I am unaware / You sing all around / But I never hear the sound / Lord I'm amazed by You / Lord I'm amazed by You / Lord I'm amazed by You / How You love me / How wide / How deep / How great / Is Your love for me. ~Amazed, Jared Anderson

Late {15-23}

Sit in reverie and watch the changing color of the waves that break upon the idle seashore of the mind.  ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I know that today is Tuesday, and that I missed my weekly time of contemplation that come amid the sunrise each Monday morning.

Yesterday, however, was one of those days that left me simply no time for blogging...save for a short yet sweet explanation of my absenteeism, which can be found here.

And trust me, as much as I love each and every one of you, it was truly worth it in the long run.

Yesterday was one of those days that was so full of complicated blessings and wracked with unending moments of business that it almost has all run together in a watercolour blur...

...and yet, the blessings stand out as clear as though they were illuminated in an outline of the purest of light.

• 15. The restoration of the once-under-appreciated gift of electricity after almost an entire day of darkness, due to yet another vicious storm that swept over us.

• 16. Checking item 43 off my bucket list...as I begin the process of directing my first musical theater production...one step closer to fulfilling all my dreams. OZ! has just begun. 

• 17. The squeal of delight from an aspiring actor or actress as I tell them the part they received...these phone calls are one of the best parts of being a director. 

• 18. The simple blessings of a sunrise, warm and sweet after so many days of oppressive storm clouds stealing the sunlight. 

• 19. Awakening to read the beautiful words of Psalm 113, my heart flooding with tear-filled wonder and awe..."Who is like our God?"

• 20. Discovering that my little sister is coming home from Germany almost a month earlier than originally planned...reading a Facebook wallpost filled with sisterly inside jokes and upcoming photoshoot plans...it's been too long since I've seen my best friend.

• 21. Owl City and icy-cold Dr. Pepper...the melodies and the dripping moisture down the side of the can blending into a strange symphony of sensation and beauty.

• 22. The discovery of this song by Breanne Duren...Adam Young's female counterpart with a voice like oranges and sandlewood. This is my new musical love. 

• 23. Allowing my love of dandelions to pour out into this guest post over at A New Rebel...innocent beauty found in the weed patch. 

More simple joys. More little things combined to make beautiful pleasures of life.

Forgive my lateness...

...and embrace my delight. 

When ideas float in our mind without any reflection or regard of the understanding, it is that which the French call revery, our language has scarce a name for it.  ~John Locke

Collapse

I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being. ~Oscar Wilde

This will be an incredibly short post, and I do promise a much longer one tomorrow.

I am exhausted to the core.

But the words "overjoyed relief" do not fully capture the euphoria I am feeling at this very moment. There is truly nothing in comparison to this feeling, except perhaps Opening Night.

Twelve hours...

...almost 40 auditioners....

...47 jawbreakers...

...more caffeine than any one human should consume in their lifetime...

...an amazing team of seven passionate theatrical individuals....

...and my production of "OZ!" has been completely cast.

God is so beautiful.

Theater is tragically wonderful...flawlessly frustrating...and epic in all its never-ending facets.

As of today, I don my "Director" baseball cap.

Tonight, I start my trip down the Yellow Brick Road and dust off my ruby slippers.

I have been waiting for this moment for my entire theatrical career.

OZ! has officially begun.

Here goes nothing.

Soli Deo Gloria. 

Bucket

In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.  ~Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban


I have a Bucket List. 


Actually, I think more people have bucket lists than they're willing to admit. 


After all, at first glance, it might seem silly to have a little list of all our secret hopes and dreams...


...some tiny, some huge, most insignificant to those around us.


In fact, I never planned on sharing my own personal Bucket List with the world. My list is eclectic, artsy, random...maybe, to any eye that isn't mine, it might even seem trite or foolish.


But then a post & fabulous Bucket List themed giveaway over at (life's too short not to)wear red shoes inspired me to stop being so selfish...so insecure...so uptight. I bear my soul on this blog all the time...no reason that I cannot share my dreams with the world, as well.


And so...here is a sampling...a taste, if you will...of the dreams I must meet before I "kick the bucket," some of which were born when I was a very little girl.

1.       Visit every continent AT LEAST once (North America and South America have been achieved...the rest are still to come)

2.      Read every Brian Jacques novel ever written

3.      Visit “The Wonderful Wizarding World of Harry Potter” AND buy my own wand.

4.      Cook my way through “The Art of French Cooking” by Julia Child

5.      Have dinner at the “Eagle & Child” in C.S. Lewis' booth

6.      Take AT LEAST one semester of classes at Oxford University

7.      Go skydiving, bungee jumping, or SOMETHING that requires me to leap from a very high location

8.      Visit every state in the Union.

9.      Adopt a Peruvian child

10.   Get a tattoo

11.    Learn how to make French macaroons PERFECTLY

12.   Have a handwritten-letters penpal with someone I have never met in real life.  (Grace Doolittle, June 30^th, 2011)

13.   Visit the Holy Land

14.   Write a novel that actually gets published.

15.   Make it onto the New York Time’s Best Seller list

16.   Learn how to French braid

17.   Ride an elephant

18.   Perform as the Witch in Into the Woods

19.   Perform in Wicked as ANY role

20.  Visit the Eifel Tower

21.   Visit Machu Pichu

22.  Have dinner at Caprial and John Pence’s Supper Club

23.  Meet Paula Deen AND cook with her

24.  Meet J.K. Rowling

25.  See Owl City in concert (June 30^th, 2011, Summerfest 2011)

26.  See Imogene Heap in concert

27.  Attend culinary school

28.  Get. My. Degree.

29.  Stand on a Broadway stage

30.  Meet Douglas Gresham AND have a conversation with him

31.   Meet Adam Young AND have a conversation with him

32.  Take an art class and actually apply myself this time

33.  Get to the point that I am reading my Bible every day habitually

34. Perform in "Les Miserables" in some capacity

35.  Direct a theatrical performance (Hansel and Gretel, Opening Night 9/24/2010)

36.  Open my own Etsy shop

Yes, these things may seem silly. Odd. I know they are truly a random collection of dreams, woven of my own heartstrings and overly vivid imagination. 


But I don't care. 


These are my dreams. These are my goals. 


And you can't make me smaller. 


My heart is just too big.


Let go of the world you know, and plug in the party lights / Soak your cares in the solar flares that light up these island nights / Orange eclipse, I can taste your lips in the citrus afternoon / If you can fly, don't stop at the sky, / 'cause there's footprints on the moon ~The Yacht Club, Owl City