Monday, October 10, 2011

resting lists {119-128}

at the time i'm writing this, it's 12:30am.

and for whatever reason, i can't sleep.

actually i know why i can't sleep.

i have lists in my head. like a tumble drier, all the things i must do and all the things i must not forget are passing back and forth and back and forth through my tired mind.

i have lists. and i am making more lists.

i leave for my best friend's wedding in a little more than 16 hours. my suitcase is gaping open on my bed right now, overflowing with too many blouses and not enough shoes. everything i need to be a maid of honour, everything that is required of me to be gone for a week.

what to pack. what to leave. what needs to be done at home. programmed coffee pots and eight loads of laundry.

i can't forget anything.

so i make lists.

and then i remember. oh, precious recollection.

today is Monday. and i have another list to continue. a list that won't make my head ache or my fingers tremble as they grip a pen.

a list that will refresh. renew. give me the grace of energy and the sweetness of sleep in one swift movement.

and so i write it now. at 12:36am. 
  • 119. oversized suitcases
  • 120. one more late night phone call
  • 121. answered prayers and gifts restored
  • 122. unlocked apartment doors on days when i locked myself out
  • 123. warm quilts and downy pillows that call my name at this late hour
  • 124. Alex. the beautiful bride-to-be. she remains my dearest friend. 
  • 125. a great-grandmother that clings to life...perhaps a chance to hold her close and whisper my own goodbyes before she goes to Him
  • 126. my father's laughter, robust until the humour strikes and then the squeaking and the tears and the uncontrollable joy that spreads like wildfire around our tiny ice-cream laden table
  • 127. airplanes. oh, how i love to fly. 
  • 128. sleep. rest. 
it's time now.

time to let the lists go and the sleep to come.

no more lists. 

only these blessings to comfort and rest.

today is just beginning. 


  1. ah yes, i know what it's like to be kept awake because your mind is mentally making lists. tumble drier indeed. and seriously, not enough shoes? i'm always the opposite. i can never decide what tops i like enough to bring, and i always have way too many shoes that i end up not wearing. haha. i hope you have the most marvelous of trips! i'm glad you love to fly. that's always a good thing when you're going on trips. :P if i have a window seat then i usually enjoy flying. but i hate airports. they scare me for some reason. just one of those things i guess. anyway. have a great time in that sunshiny state. hopefully the weather will be perfect. :) rest up. rest your heart and your body. much love. <3

  2. Such a beautiful post! I am also a list maker. Lists and lists. And I have to agree... this list brings with it no stress no worry. Warm quilts and downy pillows that call your name... such a gift. I hope you have a chance to see your great-grandmother. #126... LOVE it! :)

  3. Hello Rachel!

    I just found your blog and I think that it is beautiful! (Your header id lovely.)

    I look forward to reading in more of your posts in the future!

    Have a positively beautiful day!

    In Christ,

  4. Now I want to hear your father's laughter. :)
    And I think you captured the angst of packing perfectly. I did this just this summer... and forgot my toiletries--all of them. Had to be in a wedding with my mother's borrowed makeup--not recommended, lol!
    P.S. This is a lovely spot on the blogosphere.


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon