Wednesday, October 5, 2011

collapsed melody

{via pinterest}
i have hit a strange point, a point that i rarely ever acknowledge.

i take no pride in my weakness but i can no longer deny that i...

...i am gorgeously exhausted. 

and i'm not even sure what that means.

i'm in a place of extended fingers and ever-moving feet from here to there and a dayplanner that i ache to fling into the sea but find myself returning to its spiral-bound organization again and again.

i awoke this morning with a literal loss as to what day of the week it actually was.

yesterday felt like a Monday...or perhaps a Thursday?

where am i?

this tumble-drier of plans and household chores and social events and washing sweater upon blouse, tugging my oversized suitcase and travel trunk from my closet as i prepare for a week away from this place.

a place of chaotic solace that i know awaits me...but i can't even think that far ahead.

i'm in a beautiful place of sheer and utter collapse.

i'm relying on me, and sinking into the ground...aching to open the lid of my luggage, crawling inside and curling up away from the world for five minutes together.

i'm already small...and now i feel smaller.

i'm in a place of overused ellipses and inkblots on my brain.

{via pinterest}
i have a song in my heart, bursting and pressing against these walls. i can feel it burning. but the lyrics have escaped my soul. i can't conjure them up, no matter how hard i sit with pen and paper and endless sticky notes of

to do and 
must do and 
don't forget and

so i find this place of rest. not curled in a suitcase or between the pristine lines of calenders.

this place on my knees

where the silence caresses and He and i converse in endless dialogue of rest and comfort and silence.

find me there today. 

this hope of instrumental piano and acoustic guitar. He sings over me.

there it is.

there's my melody...

...He had it all the time.

{linking with my dear emily today}


  1. really beautiful, rachel. you've caught me, right where i am. thank you for sharing these words of hope this day. praying for you this week.

  2. i felt this was a bright, light little search for something so elusive and wonderful like melody. really enjoyed this. here from miller's place.

  3. i know what it is like to be depending on yourself and realizing it as well...sing, sing your melody...some really great phrasing in here as well...

  4. What an amazing post.... so hopeful ... so inspiring.... Ill be saying a prayer for you this week! Beautiful words ...

  5. Rachel, I found your blog just now and when I first saw it, I noticed the CS Lewis quote. It was then when I instantly had to follow your blog! Any woman who loves the Lord and quotes CS Lewis is a friend of mine :)
    At any rate, I am inspired by your posts and I am happy to have found you on blogger. Keep it up, girl!

  6. gorgeously exhausted. how hopeful. i love this, rachel. xo

  7. Love this post, thank you for sharing it.

  8. Oh, this....

    When you can't move, breathe or even look for Him, He finds you.

    Beautiful post.


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon