Monday, April 23, 2012

daughter rising

{via pinterest}
i forgot what this felt like. to write my heart, i mean. i've been so tired and so worn for so long that these words seemed to have faded from me, illusive like grass on the wind. and as beautiful as they were, they were lovely to watch float away, too.

and so i let them float, maybe a little too long for some, but just long enough for me. because this life within me, this little tiny heartbeat that we have since discovered beats the warrioress rhythm like mine, has been drawing much from me, and leaving little behind.

yes, i am carrying a girl-child. another daughter for the world, another pair of feminine hands for the Kingdom's banner. and all i can do is wrap my arms around my ever growing stomach and whisper

courage, my dearheart
you are not a daughter alone.

i am almost afraid to bring another woman into this world. the burden already placed upon her tiny shoulders almost breaks me down to weeping at every thought. for who knew that so much would be required of innocent eyes and fragile fingers?

rain has told me to blurt. to impulsively speak my heart to the wind. and maybe that's what this is, a blurting out of my heart's overflowing emotion that has been building up and flowing through my veins at a pace too fast and to the tune of some music that i've forgotten that i've missed for weeks. 
{me large with our daughter, 18 weeks}

but this much i know well, and i know strong in my soul.

i will not raise a quiet daughter of sewn-shut lips and discreetly bowed eyes. i will raise an earth-pounder, a piller-shaker, and a battle-crier. 

if she is the gentle warrior, let it be and i will love her. ::
if she is the loudest singer with hands raised to broken clouds, let it be and i will love her.::

 i will not dictate her steps; He has that laid smooth without my desperate attempts to push and prod His mighty Hands. 

her path is on Him, and my smile is on her. 

my Marian Abigail. my evening star, her father's joy. 

my little girl growing. my warrioress rising. my unborn champion, my silent voiced miracle. 

my daughter. his daughter. Aslan's daughter 


19 comments:

  1. so it's a girl? yes! i knew there was a reason to call her vanilla bean. this is ever-so precious. and Aslan's daughter? i'm in love with your writing.
    -jocee <3

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  2. this made me weep with recognition. i too have a warrioress. and though she is little, she is strong :) oh, nothing but joyful dancing today for you and your sister eve you are forming. these daughters of ours? they will make paint the sky with the fire of passion. with love. i feel it, we will lead them in even in the broken. even when our instruction and prayer comes out in whispers. even more so then.

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  3. Beautiful beautiful beautiful. This world's standards for women are harsh, and unrealistic. Knowing you, your daughter will be taught to rise above the high and yet so very low expectations and standard. A daughter and a woman who will run to the Rock higher than us. A warrioress for Christ.

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  4. Your daughter will surely be strong and filled with much love, if she is anything like her lovely warrioress mother! I adore her name...such meaning and beauty behind it. love love love

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  5. beautiful. beyond that I am speechless. :)

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  6. congratulations, little mama. <3 i'm so, so, so happy for you. this is wonderful. <3

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  7. what a beautiful affirmation. make sure you keep this writing as a blessing to be poured forth over her. . . over and over in the years to come. our daughters need this. she will be blessed by the reading of it someday.
    thanks for sharing it with us.
    steph

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  8. A daughter. How I enjoy mine--their blessing touches all my life, they are wrapped i my dreams and covered with joy. Without my Christ they would be just a daughter -- but addig Christ adds the blessing and joy. Beautiful writing that will be joy to your precious one you are cradling under your heart.

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  9. Grow, grow, little warrior girl. Praying for you and for your little girl. Sweet picture, Rachel.

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  10. Beautiful! Congratulations on a daughter - a warrior daughter. I have learned that raising my sons, I need to be a warrior mother, willing to fight for them on so many different levels! What a beautiful vision you have of her!

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  11. yay...so beautiful....and she will be amazing...and so grateful that you are her mother...so excited for you as well...children will stretch and grow youlike nothing else...smiles...good to see you too...

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  12. Congratulations on being the mother of a daughter. I have two daughters, and let me put it this way: their brother is the gentle soul. But a daughter is a gift. My older one (She's 3!) helped me bake cookies last week, and I realized as we stood beside the mixer: I'd been waiting for that moment. May God continue to bless and keep. You look radiant in your photo! Just gorgeous!

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  13. courage indeed, dearheart. so happy for you and that little one within. xo

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  14. I am so happy to "meet" you! I am in the SDG small group with you and I am so glad! Your words are beautiful! Congratulations on the beautiful warrior you are growing!
    Alicia

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  15. her path is on him and my smile is on her... i love this girl :) you radiate joy.

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  16. Oh, friend, I have missed you. I'm sorry for the tired--how hard you are working already in the shelter of your own body to create a safe place for your little warrioress! Praying strength for you both and sending some love your way.

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  17. Congratulations! And such beautiful words and thoughts for your little girl. :)

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  18. Hi Rachel, just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

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I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon