Tuesday, May 8, 2012


{via pinterest}

little girl,

i've started keeping my eyes open since i discovered your existance. i started with fingers pressed to my stomach, listening and whispering prayers from the very first moment of forehead pressed to steel bathroom stall door as the dark purple "X" whispered that you were coming. 

but when pink crumbs and white frosting spoke baby girl, little warrioress,  i found myself on my knees more often. because there are so many things i want for you, so many things i need you to know...will you hear me when you're here, will you listen to your mother like i never did until the days were past and i looked back down dusty, bloody roads and realized, "my ears were off when they should have been on..."?

i want you to hear mama's voice now, babygirl. 

:: i want you to hear me :: 

in this house, the things we count will not be calories or inches or grams of fat or how many notches the scale on the floor strikes. we will count to a hundred moments on our fingertips, and then start over when we run out. we will count the freckles on your nose and call them angel kisses. i will count your bumps and bruises, and call you always beautiful. 

i will teach you that life is more than that man at the end of the tunnel. it's about being you and being His before ever being his. and there will be late night whispers and chocolate ice cream when first-time fingers touch and teenage lips brush and the shame will not be there. it will be love, and it will spill over. 

i will paint His colours on your canvas, and then i will put the brush in your hands, and say, "now you paint your own picture of Him. make His love yours." 

because my footsteps are mine, 
{via pinterest}
and yours will be yours. 

and you will make mistakes. and your face will hit the floor when i can't turn fast enough to catch you. and toddler tears with kissable boo-boos will turn into big things that my lips on your bleeding knee cannot fix. 

and i promise you, i will hold you and cry with you, because my heart breaks already thinking about your heart breaking. and i will cling to your daddy on Earth, and i will cry to your Abba-Daddy. 

and mommy will make mistakes too. and i beg Him now to make me supple, to hear your hurts that i caused by mistakes and to always beg for forgiveness from you, no matter how big or little the slight. if you are hurt, and i hurt you, then i want to make it better. 

and i promise you this, above anything else that could ever come on shifting sands of the unknown and dark-clouded paths that lead who knows where. 

i will ALWAYS love you. 

i loved you the minute i knew i had you, and i love you still, and i will love you forever. fiercer and stronger every waking second. 

meet me in Heaven, daughter of Aslan.  

seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God. 

i treasure you, Marian Abigail. and i will never stop.


  1. Beautiful words for a letter, Rachel. :) I hope that one day, if the Lord wills, I'll be able to speak the same words to my own daughter someday.

  2. this is simply beautiful - and congratulations :)

  3. So beautiful, so moving. She will love to read this someday.

    Marian Abigail. Is that her name? I love it!


  4. What a celebration of life is in these words!

    Such hope . . . such promise.

    Thank you for sharing from the depths.

  5. Rachel,
    What feeling. Oh, takes me back to growing babies and makes me long for that time again. I loved my pregnancies from the X that "whispered" a new arrival, all the way to delivery.

    And the name? Marian Abigail. Good job. Envision me giving you a high five.

  6. This is lovely. Parenting won't be what you expect, in many ways, but it will be beautiful (and, in some ways, better). I'm glad you're writing these things down: as much for you as for her!

  7. smiles...you will make a wonderful mom...keep repeating these things to the baby and you will be alright...reassure you love...and recognize you will fail, they will fall, but you will be right there...and so will god...smiles.

  8. Well you write how I feel about my boys, but with prose that makes me cry. I think we share a common bond, us mothers, this overwhelming love, the deep desire to show them the righteous path and to keep them from bloody, dusty roads...And seriously you're intentions are so inspiring, this is something to go back to, time and again. I don't have girls but I can relate to this on so many levels.
    I think you've done an excellent job capturing the sacred awesomeness of motherhood. This seeped of reverence.

  9. oh friend this is gorgeous. i love how you love on her, how you've loved on her from day one... what a blessed little girl.

  10. Wow, I'm crying!!! Seriously, this is amazing!!!! You're baby girl is so blessed to have you as her mommy. :) May the Lord bless you and your husband immensely, Rachel!!!

    Thank you so much, dear friend, for leaving the words of encouragement in my garden walk. I always treasure your comments. ;)

    >>-----> tending her garden @ gracesgardenwalk.blogspot.com

  11. Such a beautiful love letter - the 5 sensory details, painting and teaching her to paint her faith - I think I love that best. My 4th son has freckles and he was so upset about it when he was little because I didn't have them so he didn't want them. I told him the angels sprinkled cinnamon on him! I love your mother song!


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon