Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Unpretty

"Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me / Fighting to make the mirror happy / Trying to find whatever is missing / Won't You help me back to glory..." Beautiful, Bethany Dillon

I hate the mirror.

I know I shouldn't.

I know that I'm supposed to look in that reflective piece of glass and "love the skin I'm in," or whatever tired cliche is in fashion at the current moment.

But I don't.

I feel unpretty.

I look in the mirror and I see a sea of imperfections...so many things that might not even be visible to others...

...things that make me cringe and ache for a rock to shatter the mirror into a million razored shards, despite the stigma of bad luck..

...because even bad luck would be better than counting my flaws one by one until I run out of fingers and toes upon which to keep a tally.

I look at my female friends, the beautiful people with whom I surround myself, and I ache to share their looks...

I want to banish my curves to the back of the closet, and to fit in their size 2 jeans...to toss a head of smooth, silky hair...to slip my feet into normal sized shoes instead of those of my ten year old sister-in-law...to reach the top shelf at the bookstore instead of having to ask a taller clerk to assist me.

I just want to be beautiful. Just for a minute.

It's a struggle. It's a painful ache that throbs at the core of my soul.

But then, Truth begins to push its way past the boulders of my own self-shame.

...I know He sees my flaws. Those things I hate about myself, the things I would call "ugly."

He calls me by name.

He is the lifter of my head, drawing my eyes from my own reflection to His glory.

He is beautiful. And I am His daughter, His chosen one.

Made in His image. Lost in His wonder.

Time and again,

He makes me beautiful.

"You make me beautiful / You make me stand in awe / You step inside my heart, and I am amazed / I love to hear You say / Who I am is quite enough / You make me worthy of love / and beautiful." ~Beautiful, Bethany Dillon


6 comments:

  1. Just remember. As much as you wish you were pretty like the friends you surround yourself with, some of us wish we were pretty like you.

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  2. You're pretty, just how you are.

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  3. I totally agree with Anon. I know I have friends who I wish I looked like, and there putting down their own looks like they're a piece of dirt. It's sad. Of course, every girl feels she's imperfect at one time in their life, and I guess it's kinda normal. But it's doesn't have to be. Hold your head up high, girlie!! You're beautiful :))
    -Jocee <3

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  4. Outside beauty has nothing to do with it, and we are ALL equally ugly on the inside. But what you said it 100% true: God can make us more beautiful than a field full of lilies or a tree hung with a thousand ribbons. Thank you for this post- how I wish I could share this knowledge with everyone in the world!

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  5. I wish I always felt beautiful. Inside beauty is one thing -- and of course the most important thing. But I won't lie, I wish that I had a physical bit of beauty as well.

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  6. Every girl has felt this way at one point or another in their lives. I had a serious meltdown just yesterday and got so upset that I threw my clothes across my room because I thought I looked so fat. It's an awful battle to face the mirror sometimes. :( But you just have to remember that we are all beautiful in the way God wanted us to be.

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I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon