Monday, December 9, 2013

when you haven't written a book

{photo by Jennifer Upton}
I'm the blogger than hasn't written a book.

it's funny, and then, it's not, because everywhere you look anymore, having a book with your name on the cover and your picture on the back is becoming the norm. at least, in my circles, it is. and it's damn intimidating.

it's hard to feel like a lioness when you're mewing and scratching at the door in your own head.

recently, I wrote for Preston Yancey about what women want from the church. my answer was voice, the chance to stand up and speak on par with all the other masculine heads that tower above me. and then i start to get a good look around me, and I start to think, well, maybe my voice doesn't count because it's never been between two covers. 

I am Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole with nothing to hold onto, finding myself flat on my face in a strange sort of Wonderland. I'm a flower with the wrong kind of petals, they whisper...or am I just imagining it because I'm too scared to admit that maybe I might fit in here after all?

I don't have an MD, but then, I'm not a doctor. I'm a healer with a satchel of words. I feel like a midwife in a world full of modern medicine. and it's not wrong, because there's a time and a place for those who have greater experience in other areas than me. but sometimes you just need that silence, the hands that wrap around your shoulders and whisper, breathe through this. I've got you. 

this is how I will {eventually} write my book. this is a vow to myself. it's a pledge that my words belong in hands, shared over coffee and firelight, breathed from one mouth to another.

I just hope that I'll eventually find my corner and admit to myself that I myself am breathed from the lips of Holiness, that every fibre of my being hums with the chorus of the Spirit-Song composed before the dawn of time.

I'm the blogger that hasn't written a book.



  1. Ahhh, you and I both my friend.. but you are right, "yet" is the key word.

    Great and encouraging post! Thank you :)

  2. It's scary, deciding to write a book. Laying claim to a goal that feels too big, too much. But in your time, your words, your place... if a book is meant to be your work, then it is worth the bravery and self discipline needed.

  3. Those gentle hands on the shoulders, whispering "breathe!" - I pray you, yourself, will feel today... and every time you feel "behind" or lost in the crowd. You have a gentle heart, Rachel... I'm looking forward to the birth of your book :)

  4. You are the blogger that hasn't written a book. Yet. And I am more than convinced it won't be too long before you do. You have/are a powerful story, Rachel. I look forward to see how the 'plot' will turn out. <3

  5. i'm a healer with a satchel of words....that's beautiful!

  6. Dear Rachel
    Thanks for your honest words, dear friend. With my Fibrofog I cannot even concentrate long enough to write a decent length article, never mind a book and I am glad to know that I am not the only one intimidated by all those who have written books. Not that there is anything wrong in writing a book; just the opposite. It is just us lending out our ears to that evil deceiver of our souls who has been spewing his damnable lies into our minds from nearly the moment we were born. What a brilliant, beautifully written post, dear friend!
    Blessings and love XX

  7. Rachel, I just have to say this again!! You are a very talented and brilliant writer. Never stop writing for that would really be robbing us of the beauty of your words.

  8. Rachel, I too am a blogger who hasn't written a book, and can relate so much. Don't give up though, I think there is room for all of us. I've always believed we all have words worth telling and experiences worth hearing. xo

  9. I have always thought of a blog as a book without bindings, so in essence your are writing your book and your story with every word you type. =)

  10. This is a brilliant post -- encouraging to all of us, whether we have a book or will or not. Because it's not about anyone else's timeline, just God's and ours, together, hand in hand.

  11. But some (many) of us choose midwives over MDs. :)


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon