and it's confusing sometimes. the world whispers love thyself to the broken ones, and then the woman who just learned to love herself is covered in whispers and pointed fingers and lowered glances.
then it's broken all over again and the slices are deeper the second time around.
it is too far a step to say that my Jesus weeps when broken ones break again, especially in His house? He's the one that said come to Me, heavyladen ones. for My burden is light...
this makes me want to stomp the ground until my bruised feet bleed and sob for the unborn one dancing against my skin at night. because in barely a breath's time, i will pass a life through fire and water and blood into this world, and this small life will inhale a world that already is out to destroy.
and my little one will grow into this place of love to hate and love again turned to shredded paper scraps of hate that used to spell a love letter from Heaven to parched ground Earth.
and what they will teach my daughter is clucking tongues and judgemental glares if she doesn't quite fit the mold that my Jesus has already stomped into shards of blood-covered glass the day He spread two arms wide and wailed it is finished.
and my son will learn from the school of bloodshot eyes and tear-stained cheeks that gentlemen are dead and gone, and men are fighters and not lovers and silently seated when they should be standing on the chairs and beating the pulse of love and respect.
this breaks me down into a pool for my unborn one, for his wife or her husband, and for the ones that came before and the ones that come after.
i want my child to have the words of precious Sarah as their heartbeat rhythm, that i will one day no longer teach but they will live.
we are thumping along with you, out here in the world [soon], reminding you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.
and you have a voice and a reason for being. you have a future and a hope.
know who you are, small [one], and when you forget, we'll remind you.
:: in which i write a letter... // sarah styles bessey ::
and so i will find my place on my knees tonight, with the music playing in the background and the candles flickering around the darkened midnight room. heartbeat thudding love yourself, little one.
because i love you.
and He does too.