Tuesday, September 18, 2012

arrival // Marian Abigail

she is here. 
my bug, my angel, my soul-wailing warrioress. 
:: Marian Abigail ::
9 lbs, 6 oz, 21 1/2 long

my labour was induced on the 15th at 7pm. i laboured for 24 hours with no change, breathing my way through contraction after contraction, praying for strength as they grew and then faded and then grew again.

but then her heart began to struggle as i contracted. oxygen found my nose and fluids found my veins and we watched and waited and prayed. 

doctors came and my mother held one hand, my mother-in-law held the other, and my husband stood at my head while i wept in fear and whispered

please God...

labour was too hard on her, they said. and she was big, bigger than they had ever imagined my body could produce and bear for so long. and the time had come, the appointed time, for this child to enter the world. 

they bound my husband up in baby blue scrubs and clad us both in green mesh caps and numbed my body from breasts to toes. and i laid on the table, arms spread wide and shaking like a leaf with whispered words into my ear and his hand clutching mine, and His hands holding all three of us. 

and they pulled her from me, this child of the strong lungs and dark hair that covers her head like the softest duckling feathers.

 in a rush of blood and life-giving fluid, my daughter was born and laid at my cheek so our skin touched. 

and i heard her wail, and i wept. 

and now she lays against my side, curled in pink and white blankets as my body heals among the IVs and foam cups with ice chips. we're a tiny family here. 

my strong little miracle. my heart outside my body. 
my Marian. 
my daughter. 


  1. oh my gosh. this was so heart warming. i'm tearing up. congratulations dear! you both deserve it and will be amazing parents to that blessed little girl!! :)

    ~Becca Knaul

  2. Oh man, I have a lump in my throat. This is so beautiful. Holy cow, I am so excited for you, my dear Rachel. What a beautiful family you have--and a beautiful heart. And your daughter is wonderful. She is such a gift and she will be such a powerful warrior in the world, all because she has you to guide her.

    I know this sounds weird since we've not talked very often, but my heart is swelling with love for you, all three of you. Because we share the same Father, and we are family. So I love you all, and I'm praying for you. Welcome, Marian Abigail. You are so very loved.

  3. I was just thinking about you the other day and praying over you all. Congratulations on your precious little one!!

  4. Awww, this is the sweetest thing I've ever read! Congratulations! <3

    eve @ essence of eve

  5. oh gosh, i think i'm going to cry. ...too late.

    congratulations!♥ and welcome to the world, miriam - praying for both of you to grow strong. xo

  6. congratulations to you and your family, rachel. marian is a beautiful wee one. may you rest, recover, and enter this new stage of life with energy and vigor.

  7. I too was crying as I read this. :,)

    I have made it clear I don't want children, I love children, I just don't feel like I am very good caretaker of them, and I think any child that had me would be jilted. But reading this, it almost makes me change my mind.

    Welcome, Marian. I know your parents have looked forward to your arrival, but, honestly, so have all we.

  8. I'm sure you've heard this before, but you are such a gifted writer. I feel like I"m in the room, feeling all the emotion you felt that very moment. So glad she is here and safe. I know you would do anything for that little angel. So happy for your family.

  9. she is beautiful, and I'm so happy for you. (:

  10. I'm undone by this. Incredibly beautiful. Your beautiful daughter is blessed to have you as her mother. Welcome babygirl xo so happy for you all.

  11. Rachel, she is beautiful, and you are an amazing mama. Much love to both of you.

  12. Rachel, this is such a beautiful post! I loved reading it, and it brought tears to these eyes! You are going to be an amazing mother for Marian, I'm more than sure! She will be well loved and she is gorgeous!
    Know that I'm praying for your little family and know that God will bless you with this new life!
    I wish I could read through the computer screen and hold her!

  13. Congratulations sweet Rachel!!! She is undeniably beautiful, and this post brought me close to sobbing. ;) so happy for you as you add a new character to your own fairytale...truly magical.
    -Lauren :)

  14. Awe! She is so beautiful! Congrats. :)

  15. What a wonderful blessing! Congrats and thanks for sharing the moments that all of us mothers will never forget! Blessings to you and Marian.

  16. Congratulations! I've been checking in for this update!

  17. this gave me goosebumps. what a beautiful post. i'm glad to have read the entire update! i only saw bits and pieces on facebook. i'm so glad she arrived safely. <3 she's so precious.

  18. This gave me chills. Isn't it the most beautiful moment?
    Congratulations! She's gorgeous, and has a gorgeous name.

  19. Well done on all that hard work. It is HARD work, bringing another being into the world! I'll be praying for a quick recovery for you and that baby Marian will have no problems with eating or sleeping :)

  20. Am so excited for you, Rachel, and the adventures you will have together!!

  21. Beautiful!! Praise our mighty and worthy God!! Thank you for sharing your experiences. They give me such joy and hope. Enjoy precious Marian and time with you and your husband.
    -a fellow sister.

  22. Thanks be to God for THIS unspeakable gift! So glad you both made it safely through, praying for a good, strong recovery for you and good settling into three-ness for all of you. (Here from SDG prayer list.)

  23. Beautiful, beautiful. There's something about deliveries and dad and daughter pics that always get me. Congrats, my friend. The world is forever changed.

  24. Congratulations on your precious one! So beautiful - born with faith all around - and, you know what I loved - that your mother held one hand and your MIL the other - oh, that is beautiful, too! That about made this mother of sons heart cry! Wishing you peace and comfort in your bonding, getting-used-to-being-a-mom time!

  25. Rachel, I don't think anyone could make the labor, as hard as it was, of this 9 pound blessing sound so poetic. Congratulations on bringing this baby into the world. Her mama has a soul of a psalmist!! God bless and keep you, and your baby, and the man in the scrubs :-)

  26. acacia // capture lifeSeptember 30, 2012 at 3:52 PM

    I could cry! This is wonderful. Congratulations to you + hubby!
    Thinking and praying for you...


  27. this makes me so teary. oh rachel. i'm so, so happy for you... blessed is marian. blessed are you, sweet friend.


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon