she is here.
my bug, my angel, my soul-wailing warrioress.
:: Marian Abigail ::
9 lbs, 6 oz, 21 1/2 long
my labour was induced on the 15th at 7pm. i laboured for 24 hours with no change, breathing my way through contraction after contraction, praying for strength as they grew and then faded and then grew again.
but then her heart began to struggle as i contracted. oxygen found my nose and fluids found my veins and we watched and waited and prayed.
doctors came and my mother held one hand, my mother-in-law held the other, and my husband stood at my head while i wept in fear and whispered
labour was too hard on her, they said. and she was big, bigger than they had ever imagined my body could produce and bear for so long. and the time had come, the appointed time, for this child to enter the world.
they bound my husband up in baby blue scrubs and clad us both in green mesh caps and numbed my body from breasts to toes. and i laid on the table, arms spread wide and shaking like a leaf with whispered words into my ear and his hand clutching mine, and His hands holding all three of us.
and they pulled her from me, this child of the strong lungs and dark hair that covers her head like the softest duckling feathers.
in a rush of blood and life-giving fluid, my daughter was born and laid at my cheek so our skin touched.
and i heard her wail, and i wept.
and now she lays against my side, curled in pink and white blankets as my body heals among the IVs and foam cups with ice chips. we're a tiny family here.
my strong little miracle. my heart outside my body.