Sunday, February 17, 2013

send it off // unafraid

{via pinterest}
i stand amazed in the presence 
of Jesus the Nazarene.
and wonder how He could love me
a sinner condemned unclean.

i've been singing these words all morning, my own private worship service.

see, i've been pouring over my old manuscripts in recent days, repeating to my husband over and over again my goal for this year. i will finish one of those novels, and i will get it printed in fine, smooth paper glory in a tidy stack and i will send it off.

send it off. three little words that can strike a lot of terror into my heart. because i've sent my work off before, eager and excited, only to be greeted with the stilted words of the form letter.

thank you for your interest, but...

and then two became three, and now little fingers pat my cheeks and big blue eyes meet mine all day every day. and spit-up covers first one clean blouse and then two and then i'm down to just my yoga pants and that last black tank-top, and bedtime comes exhausted with no writing done.

and i am left with more time to fear in the silence when he snores and she snuffles and the ceiling tiles number twenty-seven in the dim light from the softly murmuring television set.

there are times i press my hands to bathroom tile while the hot water pours down over my head and masks the tears as God and i share a private moment of anguish because His will is perfect, but oh, it is so hard sometimes to see the road less traveled becoming the one i'm called to take.

:: but oh, the glory.

{my little reader}
photo property of DramaticElegance
because i have so many hands on my shoulders, helping my arms reach upward when i get so very tired and all i want to do is toss the papers like confetti to the wind. and i have soft chubby fingers on my neck and little squeaks in my ears, and reassuring words of the man who pledged eternity to me, and there's soup on the stove and coffee in the pot.

so i'll take the leather bound book and i'll brainstorm while they play together on the floor. and i'll write.

because that's what this year was about. it was about release. letting go of what holds me back, standing strong on what He said and living life free without fear.

send it off, daughter.
let Me show what I can do.

and under my breath, in the silence, i'll stop counting ceiling tiles and chant like a warrior instead

oh, how marvelous
oh, how wonderful
and my song shall ever be...


  1. The idea of a novel written by you is so ridiculously exciting, I can hardly stand it :) Your blog posts are always so beautifully written; you have a magical, wonderful way of getting your thoughts out...Your writing is never boring, and I imagine that you put that in a novel, and it's a wondrous thing.
    And your little reader is positively beautiful. :)
    ~Lauren :)

  2. Oh yes. I'd read your novel. And I'm right (write? heh heh) there with you, with the days spinning by in exhaustion with no art created or words crafted. I try to soak up my sweet son first of all, but my heart longs to create. <3

  3. We are 'neighbors' at 'Hear it on Sunday' today. I am singing the song you left us with "Oh how marvelous, oh how wonderful...." Because HE is. Hang in there. Hang on to that dream. Keep pressing in to the Father. You will blink, your children will be grown (trust me) and the dream will still be there.

    God bless you today, Rachel.

  4. smiles....let those little hands motivate you to getting it sent only gets busier...and you have words others need to and peace to you...

  5. I love this. Love, love, love this. His words are gentle and perfect and strong. You are loved, Rachel. So, so loved.

  6. Every word written by you here is magic. I can't wait to read your book, when ever it happens to be in my hands. :)


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon