my entire life, she has been the most put-together woman i have ever known. my earliest memories are of her seated at her desk sipping at a silver, hand-held caraffe coffee with her hair laid perfect and her make-up pristine.
and i have strived to match her footsteps. and i am failing.
because as i write this post, i am clad in men's Dr. Pepper pajama pants with my hair tossed back in the messiest of ponytails, taking the smallest bites of applesauce from a plastic container in an effort to keep my stomach settled.
and i am about to be a mother myself. and i want to be the most pristine of women with my future children collected and composed. but if they are anything like me, they will be ruffians and i will be flustered perpetually.
that is, if i keep attempting to be a woman i am not. a woman that she has never asked me to be, and would never dream of requiring of me. time and time again, she tells me
be you. not me.
and that's what i have to do. because it is weary being someone who is not me, and walking in shoes far too big for my small feet. and this is my motherhood journey, as she had hers with two daughters who both turned out a bit alright, i think.
and so i will reach out and take her hand for now. and when i get scared and when my little one is tucked away, i may run to her arms and weep for comfort that only a mother can provide.
she is my mother. i am not.
and for this, we are both grateful. and for this, we overflow.
i realized today that i have allowed this pregnancy to push away the corners of my brain.
and i have forgotten to announce the winners of my last giveaway, which i was supposed to do in January. my goodness.
the winner of the Shabby Apple timepiece necklace is Ashley
the winner of the pearl earrings is Blythe.
congratulations, girls! contact me with your addresses as soon as possible!
and don't forget that you still have two days to enter the current giveaway.