Wednesday, May 29, 2013

sparrow maps

sometimes life becomes about the push and the shove. it's impossible to avoid, as much as i wish as i could burrow down into the silence and inhale the sweetness of rest into my lungs. but instead, there's smog in the air, and it's heavy and there's traffic here and there and everywhere. 

and sometimes i feel upside down and i've forgotten how to straighten myself out. and that expression "pulling my hair out" becomes reality as the brush rakes that little bit too rough in the effort of working the knots out of my soul from where the footprints left their marks. 

looking around, i realize that i've been tying knots in other souls too. because i can't always keep my mouth shut, and i leave crater-holes where i've ripped love out by the roots and left gaping bleeding patches in my wake. and the ones i love hold hands to their hearts to keep what little i left behind, because i'm brutal in myself. 

you are a box with fragile written on it, 
and so many people have not handled you with care. 
and for the first time, I understand that I will never know 
how to apologize for being one of them. 
:: Shinji Moon

we all have the books, the pages worn around the edges from the turn and turn and turn and the press of the ink against every line. we have scrawled our lives there in our own secret language made of whispers and moments. we have a map tattooed in invisible ink on our palms and sometimes we just run out of compass points to decypher. it's hard work to walk alone, after all.

{via pinterest}
i think that's why we raise our hands so often in that moment of emptiness. He already knows the road, but it's okay to remind Him where we are, because He likes to be asked. and my palms are bleeding from the twisting and the wringing and the clawing. and so my hands go up with a soft sob of oh Abba, i don't know anymore.

and that's when the drums of brave start to their thudding, their sweet heart-beating glory finding the cadeance of love and light and forgiveness. and i'm going to hum so sweetly of sparrows under my breath, because if He sees them, He sees me. 

it takes an ocean not to break
hums birdy
and she's right. 

but for me, i'm resting on the hands of the One who soothed the waves to glass-calm and dove into the depths of fire to remind me that i am worth more than the scars on my arms would lead me to believe. i am seen by the One-Who-Sees, and i've said it a thousand times, but one more time is needed, i think. 

i sing because i'm happy
i sing because i'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
and i know He watches me.


  1. So beautiful. And oh, that quote. I think I need to find our about this Shinji Moon...

    1. she is just amazing, Beth. ever since rain started writing about her, I have been captivated. she recently gave me "The Anatomy of Being" which is where a lot of my quotes have been coming from these days.

      warning for some profanity, if that is something that pricks your spirit.

  2. Replies
    1. love you, girl, for the love you exhale to me in the simplest single words.

      amen. so be it. xoxo.

  3. So much in this Rachel. I think what stands out to me, most, is your vulnerability (beautiful) and your honesty (beautiful) and your humility (beautiful). May God continue to bless and keep.

    1. oh Brandee, you speak life to me this day. to be blessed and to be kept. oh such wondrous love.

  4. El Roi. the God who sees me. so much comfort in that Name. and I love the comparison from the lesser to the greater that Jesus so often made. since He watches the sparrow and not one of them falls without Him knowing, how much more does He watch and care for us? we are so worth-ful. you are so worthy, you image-bearer of the Most High.

    1. oh my sweet sweet soul sister, how I love the way you reach from so far and nestle with me here.


  5. Awesome writing relationship with God:)

    1. how blessed I am that He allows me to come close without fear and hear His soft whispers.

      so glad to meet you in this place, Joy

  6. how vivid and intense that tearing of love out by the roots is...leaving craters...but very honest as well...the humility in i dont know anymore...its a beautiful thing...great writing rachel


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon