Friday, August 26, 2011

growing real.

"The Christian does not think God will love us because we are good, but that God will make us good because He loves us." ~C.S. Lewis

it's a funny thing, this concept of growth.

honestly, it's not what i expected it would be, or what it would feel like. 

it's so much scarier than i ever imagined.

if you've been following me at this blog for any length of time, you will have noticed that i have made a lot of changes in my writing style. the way i express myself has truly molded into truth as time has passed. 

in the beginning, i was never real. i never shared my 


i never talked about the hard things.

i wrote what i was sure people wanted to hear. 

what was the popular way to feel? what was the right way to write? what was okay to share? where was the imaginary line in the sand that i dared not cross?

i have only recently begun to let go of my own intense perfectionism. 

this includes writing with much more abandon, less drafting and more living. and honestly, it means letting go of capitalization sometimes and just letting things flow. 

i'm still learning how to let go, how to let the Gardener prune me into His most beautiful creation. growth is a funny thing. 

sometimes, it really hurts. and oh, it's terrifying. 

i have the occasional minor moments of panic after posting something that isn't a ray of sunshine or a post regarding the beauty of daisy petals. 

pray for me.

because more than anything, i want to be changed. 

i want to be clay on His wheel.

i want to become a new thing. 
a fresh thing. a clean thing.

a real thing.

(first post at Eat, Pray, Write this morning. giveaway ends in five days.)

Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. ~Isaiah 43:19

Linking up with Jen and this beautiful weekly sisterhood.
Soli Deo Gloria


  1. Oh it is so hard to be real in a world of materialism and perfectionism. Also hard to understand true beauty when nothing but a sham is held up as the goal.
    Reality is Christ.
    True beauty is a heart captured and purified by Him.
    Praying for you always!

  2. ah yes, my dear...writing about those real things is absolutely terrifying, isn't it? i've had more than the minor moment of panic after posting something that leaves me feeling extremely raw and exposed. but i think it's healing. and you know what i've discovered? people are generally moved and touched when they read about those things. because you know what? everyone can relate in some way. keep on keeping on, my dear. write from you heart...continue to let your soul spill out onto the page. you're a blessing to so many.

  3. It's soooo okay to be yourself. Let it all go! I have been learning to do exactly that. I'll be praying for you and your journey embracing realness. :)

    Have a lovely day, xxxx~Kelsey

  4. Take courage! Honesty is always harder. Transparency is risky business. It assaults our version of who we are and how we want others to perceive us. Pretense is fashionable. But pretense is not a profitable business. It's a losing proposition - always taking and never giving. Thank you for giving...

  5. Beautiful honesty ... and a lovely journey. (One that many of us understand and identify with :)

  6. writing with abandon, leaving the worldly-seeking self behind...

    it is there that I believe His beauty through you starts to really pour forth. in those moments when you are terrified, know that there are sisters around you to support you and a God that will catch you...always

  7. I'm glad you've become more honest with your writing. I bet your influence has grown since you have, even if your numbers haven't. All you have to give is you. You are a great gift. Sharing your journey will bring healing to others. I'm glad you've

  8. decided to share your journey in reckless abandon.

  9. Beautiful. I've just now found you so don't have anything to compare your writing to. I can say that I love your honesty and this process parallels the journey I've taken. My most honest posts are the most fruitful. It isn't easy. I struggle more with those who "know me." I'm delighted to "meet" you and will return for more.


  10. I must know...did you take the pic of the girl with the book? Love it, love the feel. Don't panic when it all isn't makes you more real


I look at you and see all the ways a soul can bruise, and I wish I could sink my hands into your flesh and light lanterns along your spine so you know there's nothing but light when I see you. :: Shinji Moon